Crashing In
by My Quiet Riot
Summary: Mal & Natara are married & have a beautiful daughter named Madison. They have what seems like the perfect life; but when their world comes crashing in, can they stay strong & keep fighting? 'T' for mild language & some depressing themes.
1. Chapter 1: Normal Day

**Hi, guys! I haven't written in forever, I know. I've just been busy; I haven't dropped off the face of the earth or anything. (; Considering it has been quite a while since I've written, I decided on this. The idea kind of came to me spur-of-the-moment, so I just started writing it down. It'll be a bit depressing, but I'll throw some Maltara in, too. C: This chapter is short, but the others will be longer, believe me! xD**

**Please review & let me know what you think? I'd love some feedback. :D Enjoy!**

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I never expected this to happen. I thought it was just another normal day. I woke up and proceeded with my usual morning routine- just like normal. I ate breakfast with my husband and work partner, Mal Fallon- just like normal. I drove Madison, our 6-year-old daughter, to school- just like normal. I arrived at the precinct with Mal and began some paperwork- just like normal. Everything that had occurred at this point in time, indicated in the affirmative that the assumption that it would just be another average day, would be correct.

Mal and I had been sitting at our desks in the precinct, idly filling out paperwork and exchanging an occasional bored glance. Every so often, he would crack a dry joke and I would laugh, or vice versa. Paperwork was never fun, but we always found a way to make it at least a little less monotonous.

Several hours later, I had just finished the stack I was working on, and was about to stand up to stretch and get some water, when the door to Captain Yeong's office flew open. She hastened out, looking a bit panicked.

"Mal, Natara," she said quickly, coming to an abrupt halt in front of us. "Please come into my office. It's... urgent." She looked nervous as she turned around and scurrying back inside the office door. It might have just been me, but I swore I heard her voice choke a little. I quickly pushed the thought away and followed after Mal into Captain Yeong's office.

Once inside with the door shut tightly, she motioned for us to sit down. Mal and I exchanged a curious glance before complying and taking a seat. I cleared my throat and opened my mouth to say something; but before I could speak, Captain Yeong cut me off.

"Since you two are probably wondering why I pulled you in here... well, I'm just going to cut straight to the chase. There was a shooting at an elementary school earlier today. Three kids were killed, and eight more were injured. The shooter got away, unfortunately, but was reported to be wearing all black from head to toe, including a ski mask over his or her face."

She paused as Mal and I sat in stunned silence. I was about to open my mouth to ask a few questions, but again, I was cut off.

"The location of the shooting was Sunrise Elementary, and your daughter, Madison, was among those who were critically injured. You're going to want to get over to the hospital as soon as you can."


	2. Chapter 2: Madison

**Hello! Sorry I didn't get to update yesterday, but I have now. Here's chapter two! Also, thank you so much for all the lovely reviews; I appreciate them all and I reply to them privately. **

**Again, I would love some reviews & feedback. Enjoy!**

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My hand flew over my mouth, and I sat there completely speechless. I glanced at Mal, and I swear, his jaw was on the floor. He opened and closed his mouth several times, like he was going to say something. Finally, I managed to stammer a few phrases out, that now, in retrospect, were completely senseless.

"I... this must be a mistake, Captain. Madison is... she's at school, and she's fine. You must be... talking about someone else. That's not right. I-"

"I'm sorry," Captain replied with a sad look, "But there was no mistake. As I said before; she is critically injured, and it would be best for you and Mal to head over to the hospital."

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Twenty minutes later, Mal and I found ourselves sitting in the waiting room at the ER. We anxiously asked the front desk if we could see Madison, but they refused, stating that the doctor would tell us when we could see her. Mal sat in one of the uncomfortable chairs, nervously tapping his leg and looking at the clock every other minute. I restlessly paced the room, unable to sit. After half an hour, I grew tired of pacing around, and eventually collapsed in the chair next to Mal.

I must have fallen asleep, because the sound of my name being called by an unfamiliar voice startled me awake. I opened my eyes and was momentarily confused as to where I was; it didn't take me long to remember, though. From the looks of it, Mal had fallen asleep, too; his head snapped up in the direction of the voice.

"Mr. and Mrs. Fallon?"

I looked up to see an older man with gray hair and glasses approaching us. He wore a white lab coat and held a clipboard in his right hand.

"That's us," Mal stated, quickly recovering from being asleep five seconds prior. We both stood up to greet the doctor.

"Pleased to meet you," the doctor said, extending his hand towards first Mal, then myself. "I am Doctor McNeil. You are Madison Fallon's parents, I understand?"

"Yes, we are. How is she?" I asked eagerly.

"She was injured quite badly," Doctor McNeil said grimly, "And we are doing our best to stabilize her." I nodded, but Mal spoke up.

"It sounds like there's a 'but' coming," he mentions skeptically.

"I'm afraid there is, Mr. Fallon. As I said; we are doing our best to stabilize her, but... it isn't looking good."

I felt a lump rise in my throat, but I swallowed it down and forced myself to stay calm.

"May we see her?" I ask, sounding a lot calmer than I felt.

"Yes," McNeil replied, motioning towards the door that led to the rooms. "Follow me."

We obediently followed the doctor through the double doors, and were immediately greeted by the typical sights and sounds of a hospital. I shivered, forcing myself not to look into the rooms we passed. I have always hated hospitals, and I always will. Something about them just really scares me. Maybe it's the fact that so much can happen inside of one; so much can change. Babies are born there, but people also die there. They play a large role in how your life plays out.

I force myself to push those thoughts away as Doctor McNeil stops in front of one of the rooms. The little plaque on the wall beside the door read 'Room 309'.

"She is on a lot of pain-killers right now, so she might not be awake just yet," McNeil advised, glancing at his clipboard. We thanked him and stepped through the doorway. The lights inside the small room were dimmed, and I could hear the beeping of machines. I involuntarily shivered again, unable to suppress it. Mal must have seen it and remembered how much I hate hospitals, because he slipped his hand into mine, squeezing it reassuringly. I glanced up at him and managed a slight smile, trying desperately to fend off my growing amount of emotions.

What I saw when I walked in nearly took my breath away. Tears immediately sprung to my eyes, but I quickly blinked them away. I felt Mal's hand in mine, giving it another reassuring squeeze.

Madison was lying almost motionless in the hospital bed, a pillow propped underneath her head. Her eyes were closed, and her skin was pale. Her face was wet with tears, and her hair was a tangled mess. Dried blood was evident on her neck and in her hair. A blanket was tucked under her chin, but one of her arms stuck out from underneath it. Even from here, I could tell it was bloodied and bandaged. I glanced at the heart monitor, trying not to notice that it was beeping slower than it should. I felt the lump in my throat return as I walked up to the bed side, and despite my best efforts, I could not push it away again.

"M-Madison?" I choked out in a voice barely audible. I reached out and gently stroked her dark hair, which was similar in color to my own. I hated to wake her, but I needed to talk to her. _We_ needed to talk to her. We needed to know she would be okay.

Mal let go of my hand and slipped his arm around me instead, pulling me close to his side. He reached out and gingerly brushed some of the moisture off of her face.

"Madison?" I said again, a little louder this time. She stirred for a few seconds before her eyes slowly opened. She blinked a few times and whimpered groggily. Wide-eyed, she looked around the dark room with all of its beeping machinery, then down at herself, before bursting into tears. It took all the self-control I had in me not to start crying, too; but I knew I could not cry here. Not now. Mal seemed to understand this, too, as I saw him swallow several times. Madison needed us to be strong right now.

"Shh," I soothed softly, gently caressing her hair. "It's okay, you're okay. Mommy and daddy are here." I knelt beside the bed, tenderly taking her hand. Mal knelt next to me, placing his hand over mine and Madison's.

"It hurts," Madison wailed, eyes full of pain. It hurt to see her hurting so badly; I would do anything to take her place if I could.

"Where does it hurt?" Mal asked softly.

"My arm and my tummy," she whimpered back, staring at us both with wide eyes. "I wanna go home. Can we please go home?"

"No, we can't go home yet," I said regretfully, "But soon, okay?" She nodded as I wiped tears off of her pale cheeks. Just then, a nurse walked in, administering another dose of pain killer into the IV in Madison's arm. She whimpered a bit, but didn't complain; she must have known it was something to help her.

"The pain-killer will make her very drowsy," the nurse said. "It would be best if you let her sleep for now. She'll wake up again in a few hours; you can talk to her more then." I nodded and Mal thanked the nurse. Turning back towards Madison, I brushed a few pieces of her hair out of her face.

"I wanna go home," she moaned again, starting to succumb to the medicine's drowsy effects.

"I know," I said again, "Just get some sleep for now, okay? We'll go home soon."

"Okay," she said tiredly. "I love you, mommy and daddy," she added before drifting off to sleep.

"I love you, too," we both said, though we knew she was already asleep.

Doctor McNeil walked in again, and we turned to face him.

"Is she... going to be okay?" Mal asked hesitantly. I grimaced inwardly, fearing the answer.

"I wish I could say a definite 'yes', but I honestly do not know. She was shot in the side; close to her stomach, but not directly on target. The bullet didn't directly hit any vital organs, but it did damage a few. A bullet also grazed her arm, but there was no serious damage. Some of her nerves are damaged, and she lost a lot of blood; especially for someone so small. I'm sorry, but I can't say for sure either way. I don't want to jump to conclusions just yet."

"Thank you, Doctor," Mal said sincerely, "We really appreciate it." Doctor McNeil nodded and forced a grim smile before turing and exiting the room.

The lump in my throat began to grow yet again, and I quickly stood and rushed out of the room with Mal following close behind. Once outside in the hall, I leaned against the wall and let a few sobs loose. Mal wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close, gently stroking my hair like I had with Madison.

"I'm so scared," I choked, trying to hold back tears. "She needs to be okay, Mal. She needs to be okay."

"I know," he whispered comfortingly, fighting for his voice. "I'm scared, too. But I'm sure she'll be fine." Mal gently pushed me away from him and looked into my eyes. "I mean, she's my daughter, isn't she? She's a Fallon. Of course she'll be alright."

I laughed in spite of myself, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand.

"We should get some sleep, though," Mal added, suppressing a yawn. I must have looked worried, because he quickly added, "Don't worry, we don't have to sleep in the room. We can go find a corner in the waiting room, if you'd like; I have a couple blankets in the trunk. Or we can go home."

"As much as I want to get the hell out of this hospital and go home," I said, "I want to stay here. For Madison." He chuckled lightly and gave my shoulders a squeeze.

"Okay, then. Find us a corner; I'll grab the blankets."


	3. Chapter 3: Hello To Goodbye

**Hey again! Hopefully you enjoyed Chapter Two. (: Here is Chapter Three! If you can't tell already, this fanfic will be sad; but cute comforting Maltara moments are also included, so I think that makes it okay. (;**

**Also, in answer DizzyRedhead's question, 'How old is Madison?', she is six! I briefly mentioned it in the first paragraph of Chapter One, but it was kind of easy to miss.**

**Anyways, enjoy!**

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Chapter Three – Hello To Goodbye

Once again, I was startled awake by a voice. This time, though, it sounded vaguely familiar; and urgent. The pressing tone of the person's voice fully roused me. I was again momentarily puzzled as to my location, and exactly why I was there. I was caught in that blissful stage of unawareness. Wrapped in a warm blanket and Mal's arms, I could almost forget everything that had happened. Almost. Like yesterday, it all came flooding back. When I came to full consciousness, the urgent look on Doctor McNeil's face caused me to immediately awaken Mal, prodding him into consciousness.

"Mr. and Mrs. Fallon, I-" He began to say something, but I anxiously cut him off.

"What is it? Is Madison alright?" I interjected, standing stiffly from where I had been lying. Beside me, Mal sat up and groggily looked around, obviously momentarily wrapped in those few seconds of bliss. Then his eyes grew colder as he took Doctor McNeil's disconcerted face in, and it was apparent that those few seconds had all too quickly passed for him, too.

"Is she okay, Doctor?" Mal asked quickly, rigidly arising from his sleeping position.

"That's actually what I came to inform you of," he said wearily. "Madison is... I'm not going to sugar-coat it, alright?" I felt myself nod, but I don't remember doing it.

"She's in bad shape," he continued. My heart sank, and a small lump began to rise in my throat again.

"We did all that we could, but Madison lost a lot of blood, and her body is going into shock. I'm sorry, but... you should probably go and say your goodbye's. She's trying to hang on, but she physically won't be able to much longer. She's a smart girl, though; I think she knows."

"She's her mother's daughter," Mal said shakily, squeezing my hand.

"She's holding on for you two. I'm truly sorry," McNeil added.

I thanked the Doctor, then turned away and covered my mouth with my hand, trying to control the round of sobs I felt coming on. My body shook with the effort, but for once in my life, I didn't really care.

"Come on, Nat," Mal coaxed gently. His voice shook, and I knew he was fighting to control it, for both mine and Madison's sake. He stood and extended a hand down towards me, helping me up. I forced a small smile in thanks, then followed Mal through the double doors once again. We walked silently but quickly down the hall, wanting to spend every moment we could with our daughter.

Upon entering her room, I immediately noticed how pale she looked. Despite her physical state, her face lit up when she saw Mal and I.

"Hi, mommy! Hi daddy!" she greeted happily, delighted to see us. I was surprised at first, given the whimper-y state we left her in last night.

"Hi, sweetheart," I murmured unsteadily, determined not to lose it in front of her.

"Hi, princess," Mal said, obviously fighting for the same resolution as I. We couldn't show her how upset we were; we didn't want to scare her. Despite my best efforts, though, a few tears slipped out. I quickly turned and brushed them away, hoping Madison hadn't seen. From the concerned look on her face, though, she had.

"Are you okay, mommy?" she asked, her innocent eyes full of concern. The question made my voice catch in my throat, and I abruptly blinked the tears away. I was anything but okay, but I couldn't tell her that. I felt Mal slip his arm around me again, pulling me close to his side.

"I'm fine, honey," I replied softly, reaching out and stroking her hair.

"Okay," she said, looking like she didn't believe me.

"Do you like the doctors?" Mal asked tentatively, unsure of whether to change the subject or not.

"Yes!" she answered eagerly. "They're really nice, especially the nurses. One of them even gave me a lollipop!"

"Ooh, nice!" Mal said enthusiastically, smiling at her. I forced a small smile and brushed hair away from her eyes.

"Did the doctors... did they tell you anything about how you're doing?" I inquired cautiously, unsure of what to say. I wanted to know how much she knew.

"They told me I'm not doing so good," she said matter-of-factly.

"Yeah," was all I managed to choke out. Mal looked away, flinching at her words.

"The doctor told me you were excited to see us," Mal sad softly, seeming to recover his composure.

"Yep! I've been waiting to see you and mommy. I heard the doctors say I was holding on just for you." She smiled up at us, and even in her rapidly-deteriorating state, her eyes still shone with that precious innocence she always possessed.

"Well, thank you for hanging on," Mal said quietly, taking her tiny hand in his.

I knew what I had to say, but I didn't want to say it. I had to let her know that she didn't have to hold on anymore. Her little body wouldn't be able to take it much longer, no matter how hard her spirit fought. It would shut down on its own, and neither Mal nor I wanted that. I opened my mouth to speak, and the words caught in my throat. Mal looked at me and gave my shoulders a squeeze, like he knew what I was going to say.

"You can let go now, Madi," I choked out, begging my building emotions to hold on just a little longer. "We love you so much," I added, wanting to make sure she knew that.

"Okay," she said, leaning back against her pillow. She was clearly exhausted from fighting death's awful grip. "I love you, mommy and daddy."

"I love you, too," we said in unison, each taking turns leaning in and kissing her forehead. I have no idea where the sudden brave-face came from, but it really did help make it at least a _tiny_ bit easier. Not easier to lose her, but... I don't know, really.

"I'm going home now," Madison whispered, relaxing herself against the sheets. "I'll be waiting for you guys, okay?"

"Okay," Mal said.

"Okay," I said. "We love you," I added one last time, feeling my voice and heart break.

Madison smiled up at us, lovingly looking at us with her pretty brown eyes. I treasured the sight, because I knew I wouldn't get to see them again. I knew there were pictures, but... it would never, ever be the same. Nothing would be the same, really. I heard someone walk in behind us, but I hardly noticed. My full focus was on Madison.

"Love you, too," she said again, closing her eyes. She took a final breath, then lay still. The heart monitor by her bed beeped a few more times, before it flat-lined, sending a long, harsh tone through the room.

"I'm terribly sorry," Doctor McNeil said from behind us. A second later, I heard him turn and walk out of the room, closing the door to give us some privacy.

That's when we both lost it.

I broke down in tears, still kneeling in front of the bed. I rested my arms on the bed, leaning my head into them. I was sobbing loudly, but I was far past the point of giving a single damn. Mal kneeled behind me and wrapped his arms around me. I heard him crying into the back of my shirt, losing the composure he was fighting for seconds earlier.

I knew I should be thankful for the six short years Mal and I had with her, but the only things I could think about right then, were the things that I'd never get to do with her. I'd never get to see her finish kindergarten. I'd never get to watch her start middle school, then later high school. I'd never get to take her prom pictures, or keep tabs on her boyfriend. I'd never get to see her graduate and go off to college. I'd never get the chance to watch her walk down the aisle, marrying the guy of her dreams. I'd never get to spoil her grandchildren. _I wouldn't get to watch her grow up. _


	4. Chapter 4: Falling Apart

**Hi! I know it's been several days since I've updated, so I'm sorry about that! The laptop that I use (from my school; we all have macbooks) has been having some weird filtering problems lately, since my school is experimenting with filters. It's been blocking a lot of sites; this one included. I haven't had a ton of time to write, but I was able to catch up this weekend. Also, thanks for the reviews so far! I appreciate all of them! (:**

**Just a warning, this chapter is pretty depressing. Partially because the weather here has been all rainy and crappy lately, so I'm automatically put in a down-ish mood. But also because it's a funeral. xD It has a lot of Neha in here, too, which I love because I love her character. C: Anyways, I hope you like it! Review? C: Enjoy!**

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Chapter Four - Falling Apart

Three long days later, I found myself in a funeral home. Mal and I stood side-by-side, faking smiles and forcing acceptance of a countless number of 'I'm sorry for your loss'-type phrases. Though I knew everyone meant well, all I wanted to do was go home, cry, and sleep. I knew everyone meant what they said, but it didn't feel like it. Every pity-filled set of eyes made me want to scream.

Just as I thought I was reaching the end of my rope, I turned around and saw my family. I knew they were coming, obviously, but I didn't know when. My parents and Neha stood on the opposite side of the room, all dressed in black like everyone else. My mother and father were tearfully talking to others, but Neha looked up and met my gaze. She promptly made her way towards me, and I quietly told Mal I would be right back. He glanced up, saw Neha, and nodded his head. I squeezed his hand reassuringly before rushing to my sister. We both nearly slammed into each other, folding the other into a tight embrace.

"I'm so sorry, Natara," she sniffled, pulling me into her. I know I said I was sick of all of the sympathy-expressions, but Neha was different. I tried to hold it together, but I just couldn't anymore. I was able to stay fairly dry-eyed for the past hundred hugs and condolences, partially to save my eyeliner from running, and partially to preserve my dignity for as long as possible; but this was just too much. I broke down into sobs, bawling helplessly into Neha's shoulder. She squeezed me tighter, beginning to cry, too.

"Shhh," she murmured softly, running her hand up and down my back in an attempt to comfort me. As we broke away, she gently pulled me out the door, forcing me to sit down on the concrete just outside the front doors of the funeral home. It was cold out, but I didn't object. I pulled my knees to my chest and cried into my arms, unable to control the series of sobs that continually overcame me. Neha scooted to my side, sliding her arms around me and leaning her head on my shoulder. What I really appreciated, was that unlike everyone else, she didn't try to console me with words; she simply hugged me and let me cry. While I knew everyone else was just trying to be nice, it only ended up hurting worse. Neha didn't need to say anything, really; just letting me know she was there meant more to me than she probably will ever know.

"I love you so much, Nat," was all she said, shifting her position slightly.

"I love you, too," I choked out, half-lunging into an embrace again. I felt completely defenseless and vulnerable, but if I was going to be like this with anybody, my sister was one of the few people I would pick to see me like this. The other two were undoubtedly Mal and Amy. They were the three people I fully trusted. I knew I could be myself around them, and I knew they would always have my back, no matter what (and vice versa).

"Damn it. It just hurts so damn much, Neha. I feel like I'll never be okay again. It hurts so bad." Tears poured down my face, and I let myself lose control for about the tenth time that week. I have never cried so much in my life. Neha said nothing, but held me tighter, again running her hand slowly along my upper-back.

"Shhh," she soothed, fighting to keep her own voice steady. "I know, I know. I'm so sorry. I wish I could do something to make it hurt less, but I can't." Her voice broke, and she started crying again.

After a few more moments in our prolonged embrace, we simultaneously pulled away, wiping our eyes with the backs of our hands. She gently reached out and took my hand, squeezing it reassuringly.

"Are you okay?" she asked quietly. A split second later, she looked as if she regretted the question, and quickly added, "Dumb question, I know, but..."

"Yeah," I replied, sighing and pushing my hair away from my face. "I'll be alright for now. Thanks for everything, though. I... It means a lot."

"You're welcome," she said passively, offering a small smile.

"No, really; I mean it, Neha. I know you didn't say much, but that's what I needed. I'm tired of all of the 'She's in a better place now' and 'She's not in pain anymore' crap. I mean, I know they have good intentions, but the fact that she's in a better place doesn't make it hurt any less to lose her. Just knowing you care means the world to me, honestly. Thank you."

"Well, you're welcome," she said softly, giving my hand a squeeze. "You know I'm always here for you, right?"

"Yeah, I do," I answered, smiling. Just then, Mal poked his head out the door, looking as if he'd been crying, too.

"A bunch of the people from the SFPD are here. Amy's looking for you."

"Okay, I'm coming," I said, biting back more tears.

"You okay?" he asked, stepping a little further out the door.

"Yeah, I think so," I sniffed. "How about you?"

"I'm managing," he said tiredly. "I'll see you in a few, okay?" I nodded, and he disappeared inside the door again. After a few seconds, Neha stood up and extended a hand down to me. I took it and lifted myself up. I wiped my eyes with my hands, feebly trying to erase signs of crying. Though I was still in an inhuman amount of pain, it did feel good to break down for a little while. Yet another reason to add to the list of why I love the hell out of my sister. Neha opened the door in front of me, and I reached out and ruffled her hair, which was something I used to do to her a lot when she was younger.

"Hey!" she said with a light laugh, playfully punching me in the arm. I managed a laugh, too, before heading back into the building.


	5. Chapter 5: Helpless

**Hello! (: Here is Chapter Five of this fanfic. Hopefully you're liking it so far? C: Thanks so much for all the reviews; they mean a ton! (: In other news, Halloween is on Wednesday... anyone going trick-or-treating? C: I'm going with my friends as a cowgirl. xD ANYWAYS... a few people asked about going into how Mal is feeling, and don't worry, I plan to! Also, yes, there will be a few more twists in here; I fricking love plot twists. xD I have this whole story planned out, but I can't really say any more without ruining it. Just trust me. C:**

**Also, for purposes of this story, I'm going to have it set so that Ken has already died (sad face, I'm sorry). I know the fact that Maria Yeong is still Captain and such doesn't make the best sense, but I really want for Amy to be able to relate to Natara (at least on some level) for this. Again, I know it doesn't make a ton of sense, but I really wanted the connection between Amy and Natara for this.**

**Also, sorry for any typos; I'm on my iPod right now, but I'll edit it on my laptop later. (: Anyways, enjoy, and I would love some feedback! (:**

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Chapter Five - Helpless

I entered through the doors of the funeral home again, and I immediately saw Amy, amidst others from the SFPD. As I approached, she greeted me with a small, sad smile and a tight hug.

"I know this probably doesn't help," she said as we pulled away, "But I'm really sorry."

"Thanks, Amy. It means a lot that you're here." My voice caught in my throat, and more of those stupid tears formed in my eyes. I quickly wiped them away, but more just kept coming. It seemed that, no matter how much I cried, there were always more tears in store. I hated crying, but for once, I had no self-control or resolve to stop them. The horrible pain I felt in my chest wouldn't allow me to stop. I didn't want to throw all of my remorse on her, but I needed to let it out. In increments, maybe.

"Amy, I just... I feel so completely _horrible_, to say the least. I feel like I'll never be alright again, like this will just never allow me to be happy again. It hurts like complete _hell_, and... God, I'm sorry, I don't mean to ramble on. I just..." I trailed off, unable to hold in my tears any longer. I looked up, trying to stop them from raining down, and desperately tried to hold it together. I covered my face with my hands and sank to the floor, crying helplessly with no control of stopping it.

"Oh, sweetie," she murmured softly, crouching down beside me. She gently rubbed my back, allowing me to blubber on for a few moments. As I pulled my hands away from my tear-stained face, she looked me straight in the eyes, a pained expression on her face.

"Natara, listen..." she said, trailing off for a moment. She reached out and took my hand, squeezing it like Neha had. I nodded, and she proceeded. "I know losing a boyfriend isn't the same as losing a child," she continued, referring to Ken Greene, who had died a couple years ago while saving Amy's life. "But losing someone either way _hurts_. _Really_ bad." I nodded again, forcing myself to suppress the growing lump in my throat.

"And I know that it will feel like that. You'll feel like nothing will ever be okay again. I know what that's like, and it sucks. It's been two years since Ken... died... and I_still_ sometimes feel like that. It will feel like you'll never be happy again at first, but slowly, as time goes on, it won't hurt _quite _as bad. Of course, it will still hurt to lose someone and not have them in your life anymore... but you'll slowly have to learn to live without her either way. Yes, you will miss her every single day, and you have every right to feel like that. And you're always going to say 'what if', and that's okay, too; but you can't let yourself get completely consumed by the 'what if's. Trust me, they can destroy you. But amidst all that, I promise you, Nat, that you _will_ be okay in the end. Both you and Mal. You're honestly one of the strongest people I know, and if _I_ can make it through and be at least _somewhat_-okay, I _know _without a doubt, that you _can_ get through this. And I know this is cliche, but... if you ever need someone to talk to, just call me up, okay? I'm always here for you."

"Thanks, Ames," I choked sincerely. "That means more than you'll ever know. Really, thank you so much."

"You're welcome," she replied with a small smile, standing up and reaching down to help me up, too. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand, for about the thirtieth time that day. Despite what I said about my dislike for sympathetic consolation words, I did feel a little better after Amy's speech.

"If you're alright for now, I'm going to go talk to Mal and your parents for a couple of minutes."

"Go ahead. I'll be fine. Thanks, Amy. I really appreciate it." I gave her a small smile, that wasn't completely forced. She smiled back and gave me another quick hug before turning and walking up to where Mal and my parents stood. As I was wiping my eyes again, Kai approached me. I groaned inwardly, steeling myself for a bad joke. What he said, I was not expecting.

"My usual humor aside... I'm sorry, Natara. Hang in there." I managed a smile, pushing my stubborn hair away from my face again.

"Thanks, Kai. It means a lot that you're here." Hesitantly, I pulled him into a loose hug. He hugged me back, then turned with a slight smile to go talk to Mal, too. I think that's the first time he hasn't referenced me as 'Agent Boom Bottie', for which I am extremely grateful. So he _does _have some concept of when to be serious.

Jeremy and Blaise approached me next, each looking a bit uncomfortable. I don't blame them, either; I'm kind of uncomfortable, too. As I was about to say something, Jeremy spoke first.

"I don't know what else to say, but I'm really sorry," he said sincerely.

"Thanks, Jeremy. And thanks for coming." He nodded and hesitated a moment before stepping forward and giving me an awkward side-hug. I appreciated the thought, at least. Blaise spoke next, saying something I really wasn't expecting from her.

"Hey, I... know we haven't always been the best of friends, and I admit that's probably my fault. But... I'm sorry about Madison. I know that's not helpful at all, but I really am sorry. And I hope I haven't caused you to hate me _too _much," she added with a hint of joking, trying to lighten the mood a little.

"Thanks, Blaise," I said, fighting back more tears with a smile. "I really appreciate it. And I'm going to have to admit that I'm not always the nicest person to be around, but... I wouldn't mind having a go at this concept called 'being friends'."

She smiled and laughed lightly, pausing only for a split second before drawing me into an unusually gentle hug.

"Thanks again, Blaise. I'll see you tomorrow," I added, referencing the actual funeral.

"Anytime," she said casually. "See ya'."

As the night progressed, seemingly very slowly, many others approached me to pay their respects. Maria Yeong; Mal's sister, Cynthia, and her two children, Raven and Denni; and many of my extended family members. But what I was not expecting at all... was who walked up to me next.

"Hey, Natara," Oscar said awkwardly. District Attorney Oscar Santos, my ex-fiancé, was standing before me. He was dressed in his work clothes, like had hadn't planned on stopping by. Thankfully, his work clothes weren't terribly casual.

"I... uh, hey, Oscar." I stumbled unskillfully.

"I know, you weren't expecting me. I wasn't really expecting me, either."

I shifted uncomfortably, thankful that I was finally able to stop crying.

"I, uh, no. I wasn't really expecting you, to be honest... But thanks for coming anyways," I added quickly.

"Yeah," he said half-heartedly. "Listen, I don't want to make this more awkward than it already is, so I just wanted to say, that I'm sorry about your daughter."

"Thanks," I replied, shifting uneasily under Oscar's stare. "Uh, so... how have you been?" I asked, attempting to lessen the air of discomfort.

"I'm fine. How have... er..." He paused awkwardly, stopping from asking a question with an obvious answer.

"I, uh, should probably go. I have a meeting later. But again, I'm sorry about your daughter. Tell Mal I extend my condolences, too. Take care of yourself."

"Thanks for stopping in, Oscar. You take care, too." I quickly stepped in and gave him a half-hug, before he flashed me a forced smile and headed towards the door. As he walked away, I turned and sighed in relief. No matter how long it had been since Oscar and I broke up, every encounter we had always ended up being awkward. I didn't really want it to, but it did.

I shook my head, clearing my thoughts. This was not the best time to be contemplating ex-boyfriends. I walked back over to Mal, who was chatting with someone I didn't know. It was a tall woman with shoulder-length hair, similar in color to Mal's. She looked to be around Mal's age, and wore a black sweater-dress with gray leggings. She was petite and very pretty, with animated green eyes that flickered over to me as I approached.

"Oh, Elissa, this is my wife, Natara. Natara, this is my cousin, Elissa." Mal introduced, smiling at me as I stopped by his side.

"Nice to meet you!" Elissa said, reaching out to shake me hand.

"Nice to meet you, too!" I replied, flashing her a smile.

"I'm sorry about Madison. I lost one of mine a few years back, so I know what you're going through. Just hang in there, though," she added with a half-smile.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" I responded, momentarily astonished. She offered an appreciative smile, before her gaze drifted off for a split-second. I wasn't sure, but I thought I saw a flash of something else in her eyes. Was it... guilt? She abruptly attracted her attention back to Mal and I, so the flash of whatever I thought I saw quickly vanished.

"Well," she said after a second of silence, "I should probably get going. I have my other two waiting at home for me."

"Thanks so much for stopping by," Mal said, giving her a hug. "It means a lot to both of us," he added, slipping his arm around me and giving my shoulder a squeeze.

"Yes, thank you, and it was nice to meet you!"

"You two can call me up if you ever need anything; I don't live far. I'll see you tomorrow."

We thanked her again, and she turned out the door.

Half an hour later, the last few people were out the door and on the way home. All that remained were my parents and Neha. My parents stood to leave, and we quickly exchanged 'good night's and 'see you tomorrow's, before they headed back to their car, too. Neha drove separately, so I walked her out to her car.

"Thanks for being there for me tonight," I said as we stopped in front of her car. "It really meant a lot."

"You're welcome," she replied, reaching over and giving me a quick hug. "I'll see you tomorrow, but try to get a little sleep tonight, okay?"

"I'll try," I promised, sighing tiredly.

"Night, Nat," she said, getting in her car.

"Good night, Neha," I replied, flashing her a smile and walking back inside, joining Mal inside.


	6. Chapter 6: Mal

**Hola. C: I've been updating a lot lately, but somehow, I don't think that bothers any of you. xD This chapter is a bit sad, too, but there's some cute Maltara at the end, which makes it okay. Obviously. C: Thanks to DizzyRedhead for reminding me to add some of Mal's emotions in here, too. (: Thanks again for all the reviews! :D**

**Enjoy! Let me know what you think, too, good or bad. C:**

* * *

Chapter Six - Mal

That night, I did sleep some. I glanced at the clock as Mal and I walked into our room, and the green digital numbers read 12:33 am. I fell asleep almost immediately, but was awakened half-way through the night by the sound of muffled sniffling. I rolled over towards Mal's side, groggy and temporarily caught in that euphoric stage in between dream and reality. All too soon, everything came crashing into me like a tidal wave. It took me a few seconds to realize that it was crying I had heard, and it was Mal.

"Mal?" I called gently, sitting up. The bedsprings creaked as I pulled myself up, rubbing my tired eyes. I looked over to his side, and noticed he was sitting on the edge of our bed, head in his hands.

"Mal?" I called again, a little louder this time. "Are you okay?" When he didn't respond, I pulled myself out from underneath the sand-colored covers and walked over to his side, sitting down next to him.

"Mal?" I beckoned for the third time, "Please answer me..."

He finally glanced up at me, not bothering to wipe away the tears that were streaming down his face. "I should've been a better dad," he said simply, looking over at me through his tears.

"Oh, Mal," I said, tears immediately springing to my eyes. "Please don't say that."

"It's all my fault," he continued, ignoring me.

"Mal, please... please stop. I can't... we can't think like that, okay? It's not your fault. Why the hell would you even _think_ that?"

"She had a stomach-ache yesterday," he started, his voice shuddering. "And she asked me if she could stay home from school. I said no, Nat. I told her that she should at least try half a day. It's my fault she's gone, Natara. If I would've just let her stay home, she'd still be here." His voice broke at the last four words, and he collapsed into sobs, sinking to the floor.

"Mal..." I choked desperately, crouching down beside him and feeling tears start to slide down my cheeks. I reached over and comfortingly ran my fingertips along his arm, begging him to stop."Mal, don't. Just... don't go there. You cannot blame yourself for this. It's not your fault, Mal. Please stop... I could have plenty of reasons to blame myself, too, but we just can't do that, okay? I can't do that... I just can't go down that road. Don't..."

"You have nothing to blame yourself for," he said, almost inaudibly.

"And neither do you, Mal," I said gently. "Just stop... it's okay... it's okay..."

"Damn it, Natara!" he yelled, slamming his fist on the floor. "It is _anything _but okay, and you damn know it!" He met my gaze with such a fire in his eyes, that it scared me.

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean... I meant..." I stutered, trying not to let my fear show. His temper really did scare me sometimes. He _never_ hit me or anything remotely close to that; he would never do that. But the passion behind his anger often startled me.

He started crying harder when he noticed the frightened expression on my face, guilt flashing in his eyes.

"Fricking hell. I'm so sorry, Natara," he choked out, voice back to a whisper. "I didn't mean to snap at you. I just... God, it's all my fault." He broke down in tears again, which startled me, too. I almost never saw him cry, and now, here in front of me, he was bawling his eyes out. Tears started pouring down my face, too, and I soon felt sobs wrack my body. I was getting _seriously_ sick of crying so hard every single day, but I literally could not stop. I reached over and wrapped my arms around him, and I felt his arms slide around me, too, as we pulled each other closer.

"Mal, no, it's fine... Just stop. I mean it," I sputtered between sobs. "S-stop... It's not... not your fault... it's not your fault."

"Natara..." he started, losing control of his voice.

"Shhh," I soothed brokenly, pleadingly looking at him. "Please don't do this to yourself. I can't handle that. Madison knows it wasn't your fault. I promise you she doesn't blame you. She wouldn't want you to blame yourself, either. I don't blame you, either, because there is nothing you could have done to know what would happen. If you did, you wouldn't have sent her. The only person left is you, Mal. You need to forgive yourself." He nodded several times, but didn't stop crying. He squeezed my body tightly to his, and I didn't object.

I don't know how long we sat like that, but I do know that we fell asleep on the floor in each other's arms.

The next morning, we awoke on the floor, entangled in each other's limbs. I stiffly sat up, noticing I had a headache. Mal sat up, too, rubbing his swollen eyes. Judging by the way my eyes hurt, mine probably weren't any better.

"Are you okay?" I asked Mal gently, resting my hand on his arm. He looked over at me and nodded with a slight smile.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks for being there last night, though. You know you're amazing, right?"

"Anytime," I said sincerely, smiling back at him. "You're pretty great yourself." We sat there for a few more minutes, both lost in thought.

"I love you," I announced quietly, leaning my head on Mal's shoulder. He slid his arm around my back and leaned his head on top of mine.

"I love you, too," he replied, giving me a reassuring squeeze. "But we should probably get ready now..." By the way his voice trailed off, I knew he was dreading today. I stiffly got up and helped him up, too, before heading to the bathroom to take a shower.

As Mal showered, I dug around the back of my closet to find a black dress that I had worn to a funeral a few years back, of somebody I barely knew. It was one of my mom's relatives, but I had gone out of respect more than actually grieving the person. I slipped it on, then went to fixing my hair and face. My hair was naturally pretty straight, but I straightened it anyways, just in case it chose today to hate me. I leaned into the mirror with a tube of water-proof mascara in hand, noticing how red my eyes were. I groaned, but there was nothing I could do about it. I was about to put on eyeliner, before resolving not to; it would just smear later on, anyways. As much as I hated to admit it, there was no way I would be able to get through the day without crying again.

As I was finishing up my eye make-up, Mal emerged from the bedroom, clothed in a black suit with a blue tie.

"Well, you're beautiful," he commented, coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around my mid-section. I laughed sarcastically and looked up at him in the mirror, smiling as he hugged me from behind.

"No, I'm serious," he said, playfully jabbing me in the side. "You look gorgeous." I jumped a little and feigned an annoyed glare at him.

"Thank you," I replied, accepting the compliment and turning to face him. "I must say, though, that suit looks good on you. Except..." I reached out and adjusted his tie, that had clearly been done wrong. "There."

"Thanks," he said with a laugh, also faking an annoyed glance. "We should probably get going, though," he added, more serious now. I nodded grimly, grabbed my purse, and followed Mal to the doorway. We drove in mostly silence to the church in which the funeral would take place. When we arrived, Mal and I stood outside the church doors, not quite wanting to go in.

"You okay?" Mal asked unsteadily, looking down at me.

"For now," I said shakily, meeting his gaze. He pulled me into a reassuring hug, kissing me lightly on the forehead.

"Let's go inside, then. People will start coming soon."


	7. Chapter 7: Final Goodbye

**OH GOSH, I HAVE NOT UPDATED IN LITERALLY FOREVER. I've missed writing, to be honest; I've just been soooo busy. Sorry guys! I'll try to get back into it now. (: **

**Anyways, thank you all so much for the reviews, and I hope you'll continue reading even though I neglected to update for like, 3 weeks. This is Chapter 7, finally. It's sad again, but it _is_ a funeral. There will be happier chapters in here, I promise. But for now, enjoy! & I'd love some feedback. Thanks! :D**

* * *

Chapter Seven - Final Goodbye

Upon walking inside the church, I immediately saw that Madison's casket was lying open towards the back of the church, for anyone who didn't make it to the viewal last night. Mal and I robotically walked up to it, and I immediately noticed how peaceful she looked. She could almost be mistaken for being asleep, if it weren't for the pale skin-color. We had chosen to clothe her body in her favorite dress; it was light blue with white daisies stitched on the bottom. Her hair had been cleaned and smoothed out, resting behind her head in straight locks. The blood that had been on her arm a few days before was cleaned, and the gash from the bullet grazing her was hidden with make-up. Yet another stubborn lump formed in my throat, threatening to spill emotion over. I glanced over at Mal to see his bottom lip trembling slightly, and I had to look away. I stepped closer to him, sliding my left arm around his lower back. I felt his arm snake over my shoulder, pulling me closer to him. We said nothing, both fighting for our composure. This was our final chance to say 'goodbye'. I wasn't planning on saying anything out loud, but when Mal began talking, I realized I wanted to. _Needed_ to, almost.

"Madison, I... I'm sorry for not being a better dad to you. I know I shouldn't blame myself, but... part of me does. I could list reasons as to why, but I know I can't do that. To myself or your mother. Neither of us can take that." His grip on my shoulder tightened as he continued. "I'm going to miss you so much, and I'm going to miss all the things I'll never get to do with you. It kills me to think of those things, but I'm trying not to focus on it. I know you're watching out for us up there, wherever you are... and I know you're with your grandmother now. Keep an eye on her, too, okay? I... I'm sorry, and I love you." He bent down and gently kissed Madison's cool forehead, allowing a few tears to escape from his eyes. "Goodbye, Madi," he whispered, almost inaudibly. We stood in silence for a few more seconds, before I began.

"Madi... I could stand here and go on and on about you for hours, but I'm going to condense this for you. Having you was one of the greatest joys of my life; and being your mother for six years... was amazing." I paused, nearly choking on emotion. "You gave me... _us_... the best six years of our lives. The fact that you're gone hurts more than you'll ever know, but I know you're waiting for us up there. I'm... I'm sorry for anything I did wrong to you, and I just want you to know, that I love you so much. And I'll miss you every day." I squeezed tears out of my eyes before bending down and kissing her forehead as well. "Goodbye, Madison," I murmured, brushing a few stupid tears from my face.

Mal and I stood in silence again, neither wanting to speak. Finally, I broke the soundless-ness.

"Let's just get through today... and we'll figure the rest out as we go," I said gently, looking up at Mal. He nodded and gave me a reassuring hug before we parted to check on the funeral arrangements.

* * *

An hour later, Mal and I sat side-by-side in one of the pews of the church. A pastor stood at the pulpit talking about Madison. From the perspective of someone who didn't know her well, they wouldn't think twice about his speech. But from my stand point, of someone who really knew her, it was evident, through the words he spoke, that he didn't know Madison. He didn't of course, since we weren't really the church-going type of family.

As he went on, it became increasingly more noticeable that he used general phrases that could be talking about anyone. Nothing was really specific to our daughter. I know it wasn't his fault, but it still bothered me. Halfway through the service, he started quoting verses from the Bible.

"Psalm 34:18 says that 'The Lord is near to the brokenhearted, and saves the crushed in spirit.' The Lord doesn't promise an easy life, but he does promise to be near to us when we are broken. He can take the wounded spirits here today, and aide you in your healing process. Romans 8:35-39 says, 'Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written, _For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered_. No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.' As this verse concludes, nothing, not even the death of a child, can separate us from God's love..."

He went on for another five minutes, but I didn't pay much attention. I'm not really sure what I believe about God; but if he's real, he sure doesn't feel like it. Mal grew up going to church, but I didn't. My family was never one to 'get religious', except the occasional Christmas and Easter services. It's not that I'm opposed to the concept of God or anything, because I'm not at all; it's just that I'm not sure what I believe yet. Maybe I'll figure it out someday, and maybe I won't. I guess we'll have to see how it all pans out.

"... And as we conclude our memorial service for Madison Angela Fallon, I would like to lead us in a word of prayer."

I respectfully bowed my head, staring blankly down at my lap. Though I wasn't a 'religious' person, I did try to show some respect for those who were. I glanced over to see Mal doing the same thing, though his eyes were closed. I've tried that before, but it only feels awkward. It feels like I'm talking to someone who isn't there; which, for all I know, could be true.

"... In Your holy name we pray, Amen," the pastor finally concluded.

"Amen," the congregation repeated. I raised my head again, taking a few breaths in and out to steady my breathing. I glanced over at Mal again, and he was visibly doing the same thing. Slowly, everyone began standing up and heading to the front doors of the church, where Madison's coffin would be brought to the cemetery for her committal service. As the cemetery was only a few blocks away, Mal and I decided to walk. I pulled my jacket closed and suppressed a shiver as a cool wind blew across us. Mal shivered, too, snaking his arm around my waist. We walked silently for the next five minutes, neither wanting to speak. Even if I did want to speak, I couldn't trust my voice at that point.

When we arrived at the cemetery, multiple groups of people were already standing around the vicinity, speaking quietly and casting sideways glances towards the now-closed casket. A beautiful floral arrangement perched on top of the lid, flowers ruffling quietly in the gentle breeze. The same pastor from the church walked up to the lowering device, where a mix of both Mal and I's younger relatives silently placed the small casket. As they lowered it onto the rollers of the device, the pastor began speaking again. By this point, I really wasn't listening at all. I was too consumed by pain and grief, and I didn't know how much longer I could hold my emotion in. Once he had finished and closed in a prayer, he invited the family to take a flower from the arrangement. I reached in and took a small white daisy, Madison's favorite flower. Mal stepped forward and placed his, also a white daisy, on top of Madison's casket; but I couldn't bring myself to do likewise. I kept mine, clutching it in my cold hand. I felt myself choke on a sob, and Mal immediately wrapped his arms around me, pulling me towards him. I turned into him, quietly allowing myself to cry again. As I pulled away, Neha walked up to me, gently taking my hands. I forced myself to meet her misty gaze, ignoring the tears streaming down my face, yet again.

"I love you," she said quietly, reaching over and pulling me into another hug. I tried to say 'I love you' back, but my voice wouldn't cooperate. All that came out was a broken sob. By now, Amy stood behind Neha, looking somewhere off into the distance. Neha pulled away, flashed me a forced smile, then stepped aside so I could talk to Amy. Amy reached in and hugged me, too, holding me close for several seconds. I wiped my eyes as I pulled away, smearing mascara onto the back of my hand.

"Stay strong, Nat," was all she said, taking my hand and giving it a quick squeeze. "And don't hesitate to call me up." I smiled gratefully, then she turned towards Mal, saying something to him, too. Others from the SFPD came up to me again; and although I was exhausted, I appreciated them all more than they'll ever know. I again wiped my eyes, temporarily clearing my vision. I saw my parents approaching me, though, and immediately lost it again. I flew into my mother's arms first, hopelessly trying not to completely break down.

"Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry," my mother mumbled, stroking my hair with one hand. "I love you so much."

Again, I found myself unable to speak, so I just squeezed her tighter, blinking tears from my eyes. Pulling away, I hesitated a moment before stepping towards my father. He looked right into my eyes, his gaze unnaturally soft for his usual character.

"I love you, Natara," he said simply, pulling me gently towards him. I accepted the hug, lingering in his arms longer than I would have thought I would.

"I love you, too," I finally said, looking at both of them.

"Let us know if you need anything," my mother added.

"I will," I promised, turning to go back towards Mal. Neha stood off to the side, staring blankly in the general direction of the burial site. I glanced around for Amy, but I didn't see her. Surveying the area again, I noticed her across the graveyard, knelt down beside a large gravestone. I didn't even have to see the writing to know whose headstone that was.

_Kenneth Greene._


	8. Chapter 8: Silent House

**Chapter eight, hot off the press. C; Thank you SO much for all the reviews on my last chapter; the reviews saying you cried/felt really bad for them make my day. It sounds bad, but I think you know what I mean. xD This chapter is kind of un-eventful, but I have some seriously big things planned for this story... just you wait. C; & yes, DizzyRedhead, don't worry; I got the plot covered. (;**

**Also, I forgot to say this in Chapter 7's author's note, but what I wrote (from Natara's POV) about religion and God and such, are _purely _from her point of view. I have very different beliefs, as I do believe in God quite strongly; but I didn't feel like that was something that fit into the story at all. The game has never given any indication of any spiritual/religious beliefs Natara has, so I chose to make her neutral/unsure (agnostic). I don't swear/cuss in real life, either, but it seems to be something they do quite often in the game; so I do use 'damn' and 'hell' in my CoD writing, though I will not use much beyond that. So yeah, just wanted to say that, because the writer doesn't agree with the character on some of these things. (:**

**Also... *fangirl warning*... TODAY'S NOW AIRING EPISODE. MY FEELS. ALL MY MALTARA FEELS. THE COD TEAM HAS BROKEN THE ENTIRE FANDOM. RIGHT IN THE FEELS IS WHERE THAT EPISODE HIT ME. RIGHT. IN. THE. FEELS. **

***ahem* Anyways... ****enjoy this chapter! :D**

* * *

Chapter Eight - Silent House**  
**

I noiselessly crossed the cemetery, stopping silently behind Amy who had apparently not heard me approaching. She was knelt down beside the large stone, head down. Her dark, blue-highlighted hair was draped in front of her face, effectively hiding her eyes. Her shoulders shook slightly, and even though she made no noise, I knew she was crying. Despite feeling completely grief-stricken myself, my stomach immediately dropped, the way it always does when I see someone I love upset.

"Amy?" I called quietly, kneeling beside her and placing my hand on her shoulder. She glanced up, startled, black eye liner smudged under her eyes; she clearly wasn't expecting anyone to notice her absence. Upon seeing me, she immediately wiped her eyes, smearing make-up on her sleeve.

"Oh, hey," she said quickly, looking embarrassed. "I'm sorry, I... I couldn't help it..."

"It's okay, Amy," I replied gently, trying to catch her gaze. She was quite clearly trying to avoid it, though. "Don't feel bad about it. It's okay, really."

She sniffled several times, fighting not to cry anymore. I reached out and took her hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

"I just miss him so much," she burst suddenly, apparently losing her resolve at emotional control. Tears poured down her face, but she didn't try to wipe them away. I reached out and took her hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "I'm sorry," she blubbered after a few seconds. "This isn't really an appropriate time for this. I'm sorry."

"Shh, stop apologizing. It's honestly okay. I know you miss him, and it's nothing to feel bad about. Time can't heal all wounds..." My voice trailed off, realizing that I would never be able to accept Madison's death. I'd miss her every day, no matter how much time passed. _Especially_ as time passed.

Amy leaned back on her knees, pushing her hair away from her voice. She exhaled shakily, wiping her swollen eyes again with her free hand.

"Thanks," she said with a bleak smile. I managed a smile back, standing up and helping her to her feet. We wordlessly walked back over to where several people still lingered. We joined Mal, Blaise, Jeremy, Maria, Kai, and Neha, silently standing around the headstone. It had no words right now, but it would soon say our daughter's birth and death date, serving as a stinging reminder of Madison's absence whenever we passed the cemetery. Mal glanced down at me when I approached, slipping his hand into mine. He gently pulled me aside, looking me directly in my eyes.

"How are you doing?" he asked quietly, in a voice barely audible.

"I'm... managing." I replied hoarsely, feeling a few stupid tears slide down my cheeks. He reached out and gently brushed them away, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "How about you?"

"Just about the same," I said with a heavy sigh. "Do you wanna go back home now?"

I opened my mouth to reply that yes, of course I wanted to go home; but the notion of being left alone with my thoughts was so unappealing, that I didn't want to face them yet. Mal would be there, of course, but I didn't think I could handle my own thoughts, let alone his, too. I was trying to figure out how to put that, but my eyes must have gave something away, because he answered as if he'd read my mind.

"Yeah, me neither," he muttered. "Wanna grab something to eat?"

"Food, Mal? Really?" I let out a small laugh. It wasn't much, but it felt good to at least chuckle. "I'm not really hungry, but..."

"I'm not either, for once," he said, smiling slightly. "But maybe if we invite everyone," he continued, motioning towards the circle behind him, "Kalaba will keep things light."

"Sure," I consented, also managing a smile. "Anything so I'm not alone with myself just yet. I need... a distraction. At least for now." He nodded, then we turned back towards the group.

"We're gonna go grab a quick lunch; you can all come if you want."

* * *

Half an hour later, we all sat around a table in a small café, quietly picking at our food. I picked at my salad, appetite gone, even though I hadn't eaten anything for at least twenty-four hours. The only one who seemed to be _really_ hungry was Kai. He scarfed down an entire sub, bag of chips, and was on at least his third glass of Diet Coke. Amy poked her fork around a half-eaten bowl of pasta salad. Blaise, Jeremy, and Maria had actually eaten most of their food, though they hadn't ordered much in the first place. Mal finished his meal, though it was only a bowl of soup; and for once, junk-food-loving Neha left her sandwich almost untouched. Nobody, Kai being the exception, had much of an appetite. We sat and quietly conversed, mainly making small-talk. It was apparent that we were ignoring the huge elephant at the table, but likewise, nobody brought it up, for which I am extremely grateful.

Finally, Maria stood up, announcing that she should get back home, as her wife was expecting her for something-or-other. Blaise and Jeremy stood up soon after, saying they were leaving, as well. Amy soon stood to leave, too, and I rose to give her a quick hug. Kai quickly followed, claiming Amy was his ride home. Amy suppressed a sigh, retrieving her keys from her purse and heading out the door. Now all that was left was Mal, Neha and I. We sat in terse silence for several moments, before Neha quickly stood, too.

"Well, I should probably go, too. I'll leave you two alone," she announced, grabbing her jacket and slipping it on. As much as I didn't want her to go, I had no real reason to stop her, aside from avoidance of myself. I stood, too, and Mal followed suit.

"We should probably get going, anyways," Mal said, saving me from whatever stupidly-dependent thing would have come out of my mouth. I reached over to give Neha a hug.

"Call me if you need anything, okay?" she said as we pulled away.

"I will," I promised, flashing a smile. "I'll talk to you later."

"See you later, Neha," Mal added, giving her a half-hug. She smiled at us before turning away and heading out the door. Mal and I stood looking at each other for a moment, before following behind.

* * *

We soon arrived back at our house. As Mal pulled into the garage and stopped the car, I inhaled sharply, preparing myself to walk inside our quiet house. Mal seemed to be doing the same; he leaned back in his seat, trying to gather himself.

"You ready?" I asked, turning my head towards him.

"Ready as I'll ever be," he muttered, voice filled with dread. He unlocked the door, pushing it open so I could pass. I flashed him a thank-you smile before heading in.

We were greeted by something we weren't used to in our house: silence. It was never completely silent in our household, as there was always someone talking or moving around. Even at night, the quiet whooshing of a fan, or Madison's soft breathing were always heard somewhere. But it was quiet, and that would take some getting used to. We stood quietly for what felt like forever, until Mal broke the silence.

"Damn, it's quiet in here," he commented, surveying the part of the kitchen and living room you could see from the doorway.

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, but I laughed because I was very sick of crying.

"Yeah, it is..." I said, trailing off. We were both at a loss for words, because what is one _supposed_ to say when they come home from their daughter's funeral to a silent house?

"Well... I guess it's too early for bed, but..." I trailed off again, then looked up at Mal.

"Do you... want to talk about anything?" he asked uneasily.

"I... not right now. Maybe later." I answered, feeling completely the opposite of wanting to talk about it.

"Good," he replied, "Me neither."

Suddenly, a wave of exhaustion overcame me. The twisted adrenaline that had kept me running thus far, seemed to completely drain from my body, leaving me utterly worn-out. I looked into Mal's eyes, and they reflected every ounce of exhaustion I felt.

"I... I think I just want to go to bed, actually..."

"Me too," he said with relief, taking my hand and leading me to our bedroom. Mal and I both pulled off our formal-wear, slipping on more comfortable clothes in their place. Too tired to shower, we both collapsed into bed. I realized after I was already down, that my face was still covered in smeared make-up; but by that point, I couldn't be bothered to actually use the effort to get back up. Even the simple task of sitting up seemed like too much right now. I relaxed against the pillow, and fell asleep almost immediately.


	9. Chapter 9: Midnight

**Hello! Here is Chapter Nine. C: This one is a bit longer, so I hope you don't mind. (; This is a little happier at the beginning than the others, but it's still sad. ]: Thank you bunches for the reviews, they honestly mean a ton! :D I'll try to update more since it's Thanksgiving Break now, but I do have 3 projects, a paper, and two tests next week, which I need to complete/study for. :C**

**Yes, I do know it's really sad; and I seriously hate making Natara and Mal cry, but it's their daughter, so naturally, such emotions are provoked. It's still horrible to put amazing fictional characters through horrible fictional events. D:**

**Also, if you can't tell, italicized is a dream. Typically, I italicize dreams and flashbacks. I'd love some feedback on this chapter, too, as I've never done such a long dream before. Anyways, enjoy! :D**

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Chapter Nine - Midnight

_"Mommy!"_

_I whirl around at the familiar sound of Madison's voice, beckoning from somewhere behind me. I was standing in a large open field, surrounded by lush green grass and bright sunlight. The whole field seemed to glow a little, but I had no idea how or why. I squinted into the sunlight, desperately looking around for my daughter. _

_"I'm over here!" she calls again, suddenly appearing as if out of no where. She was wearing that same daisy dress. Her favorite._

_"Madison!" I shrieked in delight, holding my arms open as she runs towards me. _

_"I missed you!" she exclaims, jumping into my open arms. I lifted her up and wrapped her in a hug, pulling her close to me. _

_"I missed you, too," I said quietly as she pulled away. I set her back down on the ground, then crouched to her eye-level._

_"Where's daddy?" she questioned, peeking around my shoulder with searching eyes. Considering I had no idea where he hell I even was, I definitely had no clue where Mal was. Was this place even in San Francisco? I'd certainly never seen it before._

_"I don't know..." I replied, unsure of what to say. "But I'll tell him to come with me next time." Come with me to where, I don't know. And next time? I didn't even know where I was now, or even how to get back home, let alone how to get back here again later. Madison seemed satisfied by this answer, though, and nodded in content._

_"Oh well, I'll just have to go see him myself," she said with a dismissal shrug. What did she mean by that? Going to see him herself? I didn't know what to say, though, so I just smiled and nodded. Suddenly, I saw movement behind her. An ebony-colored horse trotted by, a couple hundred yards behind us._

_"Wait, is that a horse?" I asked surprised, pointing towards the moving animal._

_"Oh, yeah! That's Midnight. He's my new friend!" she announced with a glowing smile. I stared in astonishment; Midnight looked exactly like a horse I had owned when I was a teenager. Her name was Shadow._

_"Do you wanna meet him?" she asked excitedly, smiling from ear-to-ear. I nodded and stood as she led me over to it. Surprisingly, it didn't back away or trot off; it actually approached us, meeting us in the middle of the field. _

_"Midnight, this is Mommy. Mommy, this is Midnight." I stared at the horse, unblinking, and recognition flashed in his eyes. If that's even possible for a horse. He seemed to recognize me, somehow, and neighed in delight when I reached out and stroked his mane. There is no possible way this could be the same horse; mine was a female, and Midnight was a male. Somehow, though, he recognized me. _

_"He's beautiful," I commented, regaining my composure. Madison just smiled up at me, then waved her hand, somehow dismissing the horse. I watched as he trotted off, thoroughly puzzled. Madison turned and sat down in the grass, lightly tugging me down with her. She crawled into my lap and snuggled against me, and I instantly felt my heart warm. I wrapped my arms around her, enclosing her in an embrace. We sat there for a while, just quietly enjoying our time together. I had no idea where I was, how Madison was here, nor why the horse recognized me; but I sure as hell wasn't complaining. Sometimes we talked a little, but most of the time, we sat silently, watching the sun's bright rays slowly sink down the horizon, casting orange and pink streaks across the seemingly-summer sky. _

_I don't know how long we sat like that, but I soon heard foot steps behind me. As I turned around to see who was approaching, I realized that they were not foot steps; they were those of a horse. _

_"Madison, it's time to go," it suddenly said, expelling the words in an almost-angelic male voice. I felt like I'd heard it before, but I couldn't figure out where or from whom. _

_"Aww..." she trailed off, reluctantly rising from my lap. _

_"Wait, what the... did he... did the horse just talk?" I exclaimed, eyes widening as I gestured towards Midnight._

_"I have a name, you know," he reminded me in the same smooth voice. _

_"I, uh... did... Midnight just talk?" I corrected, staring at him in astonishment. _

_"Yep!" was all she replied, as if a 'talking horse that looks exactly like the one your mother had as a child that obeys your every command' was a normal thing to find. I had no idea where the hell I was, but it sure was weird. _

_"Yes, Natara. I am a horse, and yes, I can talk," he replied, looking amused. If a horse even has the ability to look or feel amusement. The fact that he knew my name just added to my shock._

_"Wait... how... do you know my name?" I stuttered out, standing up from the ground._

_"Oh, you're smart. I think you know without me telling you." He neighed again, and I swore I saw him wink. A horse. Winked. At me. What the hell._

_"I... Well, yeah, I know... sort of. But the fact that what I'm thinking isn't exactly possible... is throwing me off just a bit."_

_"Let's just say that Shadow and I, for lack of a better phrasing, share a brain. Not really, of course, but I think you can figure that out."_

_"I... that is not possible..." I stuttered again, completely at a loss for words._

_"Not everything is logical, Natara. Maybe someday I'll explain it to you, but for now, Madison and I must go."_

_"Aww, do we _really_ have to go?" Madison protested, hanging onto the sleeve of my shirt. _

_"I'm afraid so," Midnight replied, almost mournfully. "We have to let your mother get back to reality." Back to reality. I didn't want to go back there. Tears suddenly sprang to my eyes, and a deep aching began in my chest. I didn't want her to go. _

_"Please don't go..." I begged desperately, unable to stop the tears from rolling down my face. "I miss you so much..." Madison jumped into my arms again, hugging me around my neck. _

_"I have to," she said simply. "But please don't cry... I hate when you do that. And tell daddy I said hi, okay?" Unable to trust my voice, I simply nodded._

_"I will," I said, ignoring her first request. I couldn't promise her I wouldn't cry, even if I didn't know what this whole thing was. It was a promise I couldn't hold to. Whether I liked it or not, the tears refused to stop._

_"I'll come visit again soon, I promise," she added. She broke away from my desperate hold, prancing up to Midnight. _

_"When?" I asked brokenly, using all the will-power I had to not go running after her. Madison didn't reply, but instead flashed me a smile. Midnight bent down his neck, and Madison effortlessly climbed atop of him._

_"When will I see you again?" I repeated, choking on my words. _

_"Soon," Midnight said, answering for Madison. _

_"But when, Madison?" I pleaded again, hating how desperate my voice sounded. "Please don't leave me again..."_

_Midnight neighed and turned around, prancing off into the distance. They never reached the end of the field; they simply disappeared. _

_"Madison..." I feebly cried out, sinking to my knees and letting tears pour down my face. Suddenly, the field and grass disappeared around me, and I found myself enclosed in utter darkness with seemingly no end. I sank to the floor, losing all resolve to stand. _

_All at once, I couldn't take it anymore. I let out a loud, heart-wrenching scream, sobbing helplessly into my hands._

* * *

I was shaken awake by Mal, his ocean-blue eyes full of concern. I hadn't realized it, but tears were pouring down my face. My heart was pounding out of my chest, and I didn't think I'd ever catch my breath.

"Nat, can you hear me? Wake up, it was just a dream!" Mal's voice brought me back into reality, where reality proceeded to stab me in the heart. I immediately sat up, confused.

"M-Mal... what... what happened?" I asked groggily, images of Madison, Midnight, and a sunlit field flashing through my mind. Mal reached over and flipped on the bedside lamp, dimly illuminating the bed area.

"We were both sleeping, when you suddenly sat bolt-upright and screamed, then you collapsed back down and started crying hysterically. Are you okay?" He propped himself up on one arm, looking at me with concern. I tried to tell him about the large open field, Midnight the obedient talking horse, and especially Madison; but words failed me, yet again.

"I... I..." I broke down in tears again, covering my face with my hands and sobbing ridiculously loud. Between my piercing scream and obnoxious bawling, I probably woke up every person within a five-mile radius.

"Aw, Nat..." He pulled himself upright, reaching over and wrapping me in a tight hug. I slid my arms around him and cried into his chest, soaking the front of his shirt in a matter of minutes.

"Shhh, it's okay, Nat... it's okay..." he soothed softly, gently rubbing my back in comforting circles. "You're okay, I'm here..."

Finally, I was able to reduce my infant-like sobbing to the occasional whimper, so I pulled away and wiped my face on one of the tangled sheets. We sat in fragile silence for a few moments, before Mal spoke up.

"Would you like to talk about it?" he asked gently, reaching out and taking my hand in his. I nodded, but took several more seconds to compose myself before continuing.

"I... I had a dream... and it was about Madison," I started, inhaling shakily. Mal flinched at the mention of Madison's name, and a flicker of pain flashed across his eyes. Mal patiently waited for me to catch my breath, then squeezed my hand to urge me on.

"I was in this beautiful open field, and the sun was so bright that everything looked like it was... glowing, almost. And... and then I heard Madison's voice calling me, and I turned around... and she just appeared out of no where, wearing the daisy-patterned dress. And she ran up to me, and I gave her a huge hug... and then she asked me where you were..." I paused, swallowing hard against more tears. I saw Mal's expression flinch with pain, but he urged me on none-the-less.

"And she... there was this horse in the background, and its name was Midnight... and it looked _exactly _like a horse I had when I was growing up, named Shadow. So she took me up to meet him, and the horse recognized me. I don't know how the hell he did, but something in its eye... God, this sounds stupid."

"No, go on," he urged again, gently rubbing my palm with this thumb.

"And then Madison and I just sat down on the grass and talked for a little while. Nothing major, really. Just little-kid small talk. But then the horse... _Midnight_... came back, and told Madison it was time to go. Yes, in English, speaking like a person. And the voice was so... familiar and angelic... I've heard it before, but... I don't know where. And then Madison said she had to leave, and disappeared into thin air on Midnight's back... and then the whole field disappeared into darkness, where I then apparently began the cycle of screaming and bawling my eyes out."

"Good Lord," he muttered, running a hand through his messy hair. He looked distraught and on the verge of tears for a moment, before regaining composure and looking me in the eye. "Are you okay?" he murmured softly, never breaking eye contact.

"I... Yeah, I'm... I'm fine. Just a little shaken up." I felt another wave of emotion flood over me, but I refused to break down again. I clamped a hand over my mouth, desperately trying to hold the sobs in.

"You always say that, Nat," he said gently, scooting over next to me and sliding his arm around my shoulder. "It's okay not to be okay sometimes. Especially now. It hurts like hell, I know. You need time to mourn; don't try to suppress it. It just... it doesn't lead anywhere good." His voice broke at the end, and he looked away, tears sliding down his face. "When my mom died... I let myself bottle everything up, and it ended up exploding in one of the worst ways possible. It destroyed my relationships with my family and friends, led me to turn to drugs and alcohol instead of those who loved me... it nearly destroyed me, Nat. The relationship I had with my sister was the only one not destroyed during all that... I think it's 'cause she kept me going. Yeah, she was heart-broken, but... she let herself mourn, just like you need to let yourself do. I don't want to see you go down that path, Nat. You mean too much to me for that. You're one of the only things keeping me going now, and... I'll go completely crazy if you slip away, too."

"I'm sorry," was all I could choke out before I collapsed into his arms again, hopelessly losing control. Even Mal allowed himself to break. We held each other, hanging on tight, as if one of us would fall apart if the other let go. It probably wasn't far from the truth, honestly. My whole world felt like it was shattering into a million pieces, and Mal was just about the only thing keeping me here. Without Mal, Amy, and my sister, I honestly didn't know if I would have the will to do anything anymore.

I then realized that it was them that kept me going. Never once did any of them doubt that I could make it through this, nor exploit any negativity. Although I knew placing your will to live in the metaphorical hands of someone you could lose wasn't the smartest thing to do, I couldn't help it.

It was their love, support, and faith in me that kept me going through hard times, even when I wanted to give up on myself.


	10. Chapter 10: Cynthia

**Hello, everyone. I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving! Forgive my lack of an update; I was busy eating, sleeping, and putting up Christmas light all day. xD Anyways, here is Chapter 10. It's also a bit un-eventful, but as I said; I have some big plans for this story. :D**

**Also, I typed most of this on my iPod, so apologies for any mistakes. C:**

**Again, thanks a ton for all reviews! You guys are honestly awesome! Enjoy! :D**

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Chapter Ten - Cynthia

I don't know how long I was up blubbering, but I awoke in the morning on my bed again, neatly tucked in under the covers. I rolled over towards Mal's side, expecting to see him still sleeping there next to me. To my surprise, though, he wasn't there. I debated on whether to get up and get dressed, until I glanced at the clock. I was surprised to find that it was already almost noon; I'd slept longer than I thought I would. Curious as to where Mal went, I rubbed my sore eyes and got up, pulling on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. I briefly brushed my teeth, then walked out of our already-open bedroom door. Glancing around the kitchen and seeing Mal wasn't there, I rounded the corner into the living room. Mal and his sister, Cynthia, sat next to each other, quietly talking with one another. His nieces, Denni and Raven, sat on the opposite couch, looking a little out of place. Denni fiddled with the sleeve of her shirt, and Raven silently inspected her fingernails, as if they were suddenly the most interesting things in the world.

Mal turned around as he heard me approach, then greeted me with a smile.

"Hey," he said softly. "I would've told you they were coming over, but I didn't want to wake you up."

"It's okay," I replied. Cynthia stood up and crossed the room, gently embracing me. I hugged her back and forced a smile in return.

"I know this doesn't help anything, but I'm sorry about Madi," Cynthia said sincerely, a genuine spark in her eyes.

"Thank you," I said with another smile, not quite as forced as the last one. I turned towards the opposite couch, where Mal's nieces still sat.

"Hi, Denni. Hi, Raven," I greeted, forcing yet another smile.

"Hey, Aunt Natara," Denni acknowledged with a smile.

"Hi," Raven said shyly, offering a slight wave.

I went over and sat beside Mal

"How are you two holding up?" Cynthia asked cautiously, glancing first at Mal, then at me. Mal and I exchanged a quick glance, before I spoke up.

"Alright," I said, briefly glancing up at Mal's sister. My voice almost caught in my throat again, and I swallowed hard to push it back down. The smallest things triggered my emotions these days. Even a single empathetic question triggered something inside me. I'm not sure what it was, exactly, but it wasn't pleasant. I sniffled and looked away, and Mal slid his arm around me, pulling me to his side. I took a few deep breaths in and out before looking up again. Cynthia looked at Mal and I, sincere concern in her eyes. Denni and Raven awkwardly shifted their gazes around the room. I can't blame them, really; I hadn't known either of them for too long. I had asked them to babysit Madi several times, but Mal and I were of course not there.

"We miss her, of course," Mal said, trailing off briefly. "But we're... we're coping alright." Mal's words sounded unusually tight, and I knew he was fighting hard against emotion.

"That's to be expected," Cynthia said slowly. "You're allowed to miss her. We all will."

We all will. Like hell you'll all miss her. Most of those people that came to her funeral barely even knew her. Some of them hadn't even met her; they'd never seen her alive. I felt bad the second after I thought it, but I couldn't help it.

"Have you guys been sleeping alright?" she asked. I thought of the dream I had about Madison, and yet again, those damn tears started to spill over. To hell with those stupid tears. I leaned forward and put my head in my hands, willing myself not to bawl my damn eyes out again.

"Oh, God, I'm so sorry," Cynthia apologized earnestly. "I didn't mean to... I'm sorry." I raised my head and tried to speak, but my voice wouldn't cooperate. To hell with voices not cooperating, too.

"It's okay," Mal said, speaking for me. "She just... had an... upsetting dream the other night." Mal gently rubbed my back, and I glanced up at him. His bottom lip trembled slightly, and he took a deep breath in. Emotions seemed to be getting the better of us both, more often than not recently. I knew that was something neither of us enjoyed, but it... it just happened, no matter how hard I try to fight it off. Especially in this house, where everything reminded me of Madison. It would feel wrong not to be this broken.

Broken. That's what I am these days. I wish I could remember how it felt like not to have this hurt in my chest every single waking hour of the day. I don't think it will ever go away. I know I'll never be the same again. We'll never be the same again.

I must have started crying harder, because Cynthia came over and crouched down in front of me, gently placing her hand on my knee.

"I'm sorry, Natara. I didn't mean to set you off," she said softly.

"It's okay," I choked out. "Everything is setting me off recently." She made a sympathetic cooing noise, but said nothing more.

Denni crossed the room and sat beside Mal, leaning her head on his shoulder. He smiled at her, then draped his arm gently around her shoulder. Raven slowly followed, sitting down next to me.

I could tell Raven was like me, and wasn't one for jumping up to comfort others. Nevertheless, she reached over and gently took my hand. I glanced over at her and offered a small smile, giving her hand a quick squeeze. She smiled in return, reaching over with her other hand and briefly rubbing my back. The gesture felt a little awkward, but I knew she meant it.

I heard Mal sniffle next to me, and I glanced up at him to see fresh tears glisten in his eyes. He met my gaze and bit his lip, taking a shaky reath in. Again taking his hand, we laced our fingers together so they were intertwined. He bent down slightly and gave me a quick kiss on the forehead, causing me to smile a little.

We sat like that for a while, in comfortable silence. I'm not sure how long, but it was nice. Eventually, Cynthia stood up and glanced at the clock.

"Denni, Raven, we should probably go. I still need to drop Raven off at her house."

"Okay," they both said quietly. We all stood up, taking turns pulling each other into hugs. Cynthia hugged Mal and I first, reminding us to 'stay strong'. If I'm even capable of that. Denni hugged Mal tightly, and he did the same to her. Raven turned and gave me a gentle hug, then smiled at me sweetly, before switching places with Denni. I pulled Denni into an embrace, then gently pulled away. As they all headed towards the door, Cynthia reminded us to call her if we needed anything. I just smiled and said thank-you, because I didn't know what else to say. That's really the only thing you can say, honestly.

Once Mal and I were finally alone, we both collapsed on the couch.

"God," I muttered, "I just woke up and I'm already exhausted."

"So am I," Mal replied, leaning his head back and heaving a sigh.

"Mal... I'm really sick of this," I confessed, desperately looking up at him. "I'm sick of crying, I'm sick of missing her, and right now, I'm just generally sick of life."

"I know, I know," he murmered quietly, taking me in his arms. "I am, too. But we are going to get through this together, because there is no way in hell I can do it by myself."

I smiled up at him, leaning my head on his shoulder. "What would I do without you?" I asked playfully.

He opened his mouth to answer, but was cut off when the phone rang.


	11. Chapter 11: Bella

**Hi! First of all, thank you SO much for all the lovely reviews! They truly make my day. Second, sorry for the lack of updates the past few days; I've had more homework than I thought physically possible, which left me no time for writing. D: **

**Anyways, here is Chapter Eleven! Let me know what you think? Thanks! :D**

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Chapter Eleven - Bella

Mal jumped up and grabbed the phone from the kitchen, pausing to glance at the caller-ID before answering. I got up from the couch and walked over to him, standing close enough to hear both sides of the conversation.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Mal?" a female voice came from the other end. "This is Elissa."

"Yeah, this is Mal. Hey, Elissa,"

"Listen, I hate to ask you this, given the current circumstances, but... My car stalled out on the way to a restaurant, and I'm about five miles from your place. Would you mind helping me out? I have a jumper cable, but I don't know what I'm doing. I'm really sorry to ask, but-"

"Don't worry about it, Liss. I'll be there in a few. What street are you on?"

"A hundred-and-ninth. Thanks _so_ much, Mal,"

"No problem, I'll see you then."

They hung up, and Mal turned to me. He started to tell me that he had to help Elissa, but I cut him off.

"I have to go and-"

"Yeah, I know; I'm coming with. I... don't want to be alone right now."

"Okay," he said quietly. He reached out and gently stroked my cheek. I looked up at him sadly, placing my hand over his. We stood in silence for a few moments, wordlessly staring at the brokenness in each other's eyes. He then pulled me into a gentle hug, softly stroking my hair. After a few seconds, he pulled away, then took my hand and guided me towards the door.

"C'mon, Nat," he prompted quietly. "Elissa's waiting."

"Okay," I replied simply, slipping my coat on and again taking Mal's hand.

We drove the five miles in comfortable silence, pulling over to the side of the road where Elissa's car was stalled. Elissa met us outside, jumper cable in-hand.

"Thank you so much," she said immediately, handing the cable to Mal.

"It's no problem, really," Mal said with a smile, opening the hood of Elissa's car. Two kids sat in the backseat, one boy and one girl. The boy looked to be about eight, and the girl looked no older than five. The boy was drawing on a pad of paper, and the girl was sleeping.

Mal turned to start the car, and Elissa turned towards me. I braced myself for another 'how are you holding up?' or something to that extent, but it never came.

"You're _really_ pretty!" she said instead. It took me by surprise, given the circumstances and my emotional state of the past few days.

"Oh, uh, thank you!" I replied hastily with a small laugh. She flashed me a smile, and I smiled back. I don't know what it was about her, but her cheerfulness was contagious.

"What are your kids' names?" I asked, motioning towards the car.

"Zach is eight, and Bella is four," she answered with a smile. Just then, Bella came waddling out of the car, then ran up to Elissa.

"Momma, I'm hungee!" she chimed, patting her stomach. "So is Zach!"

"I know," Elissa cooed, bending down to Bella's height. "As soon as Mal fixes our car, we'll go to the restaurant, okay?"

"Okay!" Bella replied cheerfully. She turned and looked at me, staring with curious green eyes. "Momma, who's _dat_?" she asked Elissa, pointing at me. Elissa glanced at me hesitantly, then picked Bella up.

"This is Natara," she said softly, pointing at me. "Can you say hi?"

"Hi, Natawa!" she chirped, waving brightly. I suddenly felt prickles of pain stab into my heart. She reminded me of Madison.

"Hi, Bella," I said back, smiling at her with a small wave. Just then, Mal walked back over and handed the cable back to Elissa.

"That should do it!" Mal said, brushing his hands on his jeans. Bella pointed at Mal, mumbling something close to his name. I saw a flicker of pain flash through Mal's eyes, and I knew he'd thought of Madi, too.

"Can you say hi to Mal, Bella?" Elissa said, pointing towards Mal.

"Hi, Mal!" she said with a wave. Mal smiled at her and greeted her back.

"Hey there, Bella!"

"Momma, hungee!" Bella persisted, pointing at her stomach again.

"Okay, okay, we're going!" Elissa laughed. "Do you two want to come with?" she asked Mal and I. "It's about dinner time." Surprised, I pulled my phone out and glanced at the time, confirming that it was 5:01. Given that it was almost December, the skies darkened earlier than normal. The sun was already setting, and hues of orange and pink were painted beautifully across the sky.

"Sure," Mal and I both said at the same time, undoubtedly harboring the same thought.

"Okay, great!" she said, setting Bella back down. Bella scampered back over to the car and climbed into the back seat. "The café we were headed to is just a few more miles down the road."

"Alright, we'll see you there!" Mal said, waving as we both got into our cars. Mal started the ignition, then pulled his seat belt over himself. I pulled mine on, too, and then met Mal's gaze.

"Bella reminds me of Madi," he said sadly, biting his lip slightly.

"I know," I replied, sighing. After a few moments, Mal shifted into 'drive', then eased on the gas to catch up with Elissa.

At the café, we all sit down and order drinks and food. My appetite has seemed to be lacking the past week. I know I need to eat, but I'm not hungry; I ordered an iced tea and a small bowl of soup. Mal's appetite, for once, seemed to be fairly non-existant, too; he settled on a Coke and a small sandwich.

As we ate, we made small talk, chatting about whatever came to mind. Soon enough we finished eating, and Bella began to look tired. Zach was contentedly rolling a toy car on the table top, quietly making 'vroom' sounds.

"I'm tired," Bella said sleepily, rubbing at her eyes.

"Alright," Elissa said, "We should probably get home."

"So should we," I announced, suppressing a tired yawn. Mal stood and helped me put my jacket on, so I flashed him a grateful smile. He smiled back, giving my hand a quick squeeze. He walked ahead of Elissa, her kids and I, holding the café door open for us.

"Thank you," I said with a smile.

"Thanks!" Elissa chimed, corralling her kids to their car.

"We'll see you guys later," Mal said with a wave.

"You too. Take care!" She turned towards her car and began strapping Bella into the booster seat.

"Is Elissa married?" I asked curiously once we were inside out car.

"No," Mal replied, looking over at me. "She was engaged, but the guy took off once she told him she was pregnant with twins."

"Twins?" I questioned. "They're not the same a-" My mind drifted back to when I met her at the viewal. She had mentioned she'd lost a child, too. "... Oh..." I concluded, and Mal nodded.

"Macon was Zach's twin. He was killed in a car accident a few years ago. Elissa was bringing him home from a friend's house on a Friday night, and some drunk idiot crashed into the side of their car. Elissa was relatively fine, but the impact... killed Macon instantaneously."

"Oh my God..." was all I could say. "That's terrible."

"I know. And what's worse... She blames herself."

"Wait, what? Why? If it was some drunk-ass idiot, it wasn't her fault at all."

"I know, it wasn't her fault at all. We all tried to tell her that, but she completely shut herself in the house. She took up drugs and self-harm, and she kind of... Lost her way for a while. She was only 19 when it happened. I babysat Zach a lot during that time."

"Oh, man..." I muttered incredulously. "That's so horrible." Mal nodded with a grimace, turning the key to start the car. We pulled out at the same time as Elissa, so Mal wave a hand, motioning for her to go. She nodded, then continued backing out. Mal then backed out, too, swiveling the wheel so it was straight again.

"Oh, hold on," I said, turning to buckle my seat belt. "Okay, I'm good." Mal laughed, and I turned back around.

Just in time to see a blue SUV careen around the corner and crash right into the side of Elissa's car.


	12. Chapter 12: Please

**Sorry to leave you all on a cliff-hanger (sorry not sorry), but here is your update. Chapter Twelve. C:**

**Yes, this is sad again. I'd love to lighten the mood a bit, but it's a car accident. I promise that there will be happier chapters, though; this story is longer than I thought it would be. xD **

**Anywhoooo, ENJOY! (:**

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Chapter Twelve - Please

"Oh my God," we both gasped, stunned to silence for a fraction of a second. Mal immediately stopped the car, and we both jumped out. A steady crying started from the back seat, clearly coming from Bella. The SUV that had crashed into them drove away, wildly hurtling down the road in an intemperate rage.

"Mal, call the precinct, and get an ambulance, _now_!" I yelled, running towards the wrecked vehicle. Mal said nothing, but took off running back into the café to use their phone, not bothering to fumble around in the car for his own.

My own personal emotions were completely paused and set aside as I ran up to the car, momentarily assessing the damage. Two steady streams of sobbing came from inside; one Bella, and the other Elissa. I quickly peered into the now-shattered window of the back seat. Bella was bleeding a little, from various scrapes on her arms; but the cuts looked superficial. Nothing would scar. Zach, however, was slumped against the seat, bleeding from a large gash on his head. He appeared to be knocked out cold, if not worse. I hastily reached into the back seat, accepting a few cuts from the broken glass. I grabbed Zach's wrist, feeling for a pulse. It was there, but it was faint. We needed an ambulance within the next five minutes, or Zach's chances of survival would be virtually diminished. I ran around to the driver's side, prying open the dented door. Elissa had her face covered with her hands, and she sobbed loudly into them. She seemed to be physically alright, aside from an apparent gash on her arm; blood soaked through the thin fabric of her sweater.

"Elissa, can you hear me?" I asked, trying to sound gentle.

"Elissa, answer me, are you okay?" I asked again, gently prodding her shoulder. When she didn't respond a second time, I got impatient.

"ELISSA! Answer me, dammit!" She glanced up at me, tears and make-up streaming down her face. She seemed unable to catch her breath, taking small, short breaths in between loud series of broken sobs.

"I'm... I'm fine... B-but... kids... I..." She tried to answer, but broke down in sobs again. She briefly looked away, then stared straight into my eyes with such a weak, hopeless look, that it almost broke my heart.

"Elissa, we're calling the police and an ambulance," I said, firmly gripping her shoulder and returning eye contact. "They'll be here any minute. It's going to be okay. Just breathe." She nodded and tried to take a deep breath, but choked on another round of sobs instead.

"Sweetie. Breathe," I reminded her, reaching in and giving her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. I turned to go catch up with Mal, but she stopped me with a hand on my shoulder.

"Please don't go," she begged brokenly, fear sparkling in her eyes. "Help..." she choked, glancing back at her kids.

"I'm not leaving. We'll get them out of here, I promise." She nodded tearfully, and I turned and ran around the car, meeting Mal on the sidewalk.

"Blaise and Jeremy are on their way, and an ambulance should be here within five minutes. A crowd of concerned on-lookers began to form, keeping a safe distance away.

"Mal, we need to get them out of the car. Elissa and Bella just have minor cuts, but Zach needs an ambulance. NOW." Again, Mal said nothing, but wordlessly ran around the car, trying to force open the door on Bella's side. Several on-lookers ran up to us, asking us what they could do to help. I told a tall, strong-looking teenaged-boy to help me kick and pry Zach's door open. Another well-built man helped us, and together, we managed to get enough of the door off for me to reach inside and carefully extract Zach. Mal had gotten into the other side, and pulled a screaming Bella out from the wreckage.

I heard the sirens of a police car and an ambulance, rounding the corner and stopping with a screech. Blaise and Jeremy jumped out, running up to me.

"Oh my God," Blaise uttered at the sight of Zach and Bella. Her hand flew over her mouth, and she stared in disbelief.

"Holy... Get that kid in the ambulance, NOW!" she exclaimed, urging me forward.

I gently picked Zach up, ignoring the fact that blood was now smeared all over my sweatshirt. I met the ambulance attendants at the back of the vehicle, setting him down on the awaiting stretcher.

"Anyone else?" they asked urgently, motioning towards the wrecked car. I shook my head no; Mal would drive Bella and Elissa to the hospital. The attendants strapped Zach in, wheeled him into the back, then hopped back into the vehicle and took off, lights and sirens blaring.

By now, several on-lookers were trying to get Elissa out of the vehicle; but from the looks of it, she wasn't budging. I quickly walked up to them, politely excusing myself as I pushed between them.

"Excuse me, guys," I said quickly. I pulled the door open again, then reached in and rested my hand on Elissa's shaking shoulder.

"Elissa," I coaxed gently, "You need to get out of this vehicle. You're bleeding, and so is Bella. You need to get to a hospital, now. Do you hear me?" Either she didn't hear me, or ignored me; the latter was more likely, but I persisted anyways.

"Elissa," I said again, sterner this time. "You need to get out of this vehicle. Hospital, now." Elissa removed her hands from her face, but shook her head in denial, choking out sobs.

"ELISSA," I yelled, becoming impatient. "Get the hell out of the damn vehicle. You and Bella are going to the hospital, right now." Again, she didn't budge, crying harder with every passing second. I sighed, exasperated. How the hell was I supposed to get her to the hospital now?

"Elissa, please..." I pleaded a final desperate time, reaching out and taking her hand. It was wet with tears, but I gave it a comforting squeeze. She weakly squeezed back, and finally turned towards me. I gradually helped her out of the car, sliding my arm around her lower back for support. She was still crying and shaking hard, but I eventually coaxed her into the back of Mal's car. Mal had already gotten Bella in, who was still whimpering and holding her arm. Realizing she would be unable to get in the damn car if I didn't help her, I slid into the middle of the back seat, gently pulling her in. I pulled the seat buckle around her small frame, then pulled mine on, too.

"Mal, drive," I commanded after ensuring Bella was buckled. I reached over and gently pulled Bella to my side, stroking her hair like I had with Madison. She still whimpered slightly, and she looked up at me with huge, green eyes.

"You're okay," I soothed gently, "You'll be okay." She stopped whimpering and fell asleep within minutes, so I slowly pulled away and let her sleep. I then turned back to Elissa, who was still an emotional wreck.

Immediately upon sitting, Elissa rested her elbows on her knees, bawling into her hands. I reached over and awkwardly rubbed her back. I never know what the hell to do when someone I don't know very well, breaks down crying in front of me. Her small frame shook violently, though, and I feared she'd knock herself out or something.

Mal stopped the car as we arrived at the hospital, and unstrapped a sleeping Bella from her seat. He gently lifted her up, careful not to wake her.

"She's going to have to go in," Mal said to me, nodding his head towards Elissa.

"I know," I replied, wracking my brain for what to say to coax her out again. "I'll be in... As soon as I can." Mal nodded tersely, tossing the car keys in the seat next to me. I picked them up and shoved them in my pocket. He then turned around and brought Bella inside. I left the car door open so the light would stay on.

Turning back to Elissa, I gently pulled her hands away from her face. She immediately looked down so her long, caramel-colored hair hid her face.

"Elissa," I said gently, trying to get her to look at me. To no avail, clearly. I suppressed a sigh as I tried again. "Come on... Please. We need to get inside." She shook her head and choked out another sob.

"Liss..." I pleaded again, reaching over and brushing back some of the hair that hung in her face. She turned her body towards me so she was leaning against the closed car door. Pulling her knes up to her chest, she looked into my eyes with a helpless look of pain and dread.

"Please, Elissa," I begged for a final time, taking her hand again. "You need to come inside. Your arm will get infected." She finally nodded, reluctantly allowing me to help her up. Upon standing, her legs almost gave out; luckily, my arm made its way around her waist soon enough.

"Come on, Liss," I encouraged. "You're okay... You can do this; just breath and walk... It's okay..." She slid her arm around me for support, holding on for dear life. If I were to have tripped at that moment, we would have both gone down; and I could bet that only one of us would want to get back up.

Finally, we made it inside. I guided her to a bench beside Mal, where she immediately collapsed.

"Aw, Liss..." he murmured as she slumped down next to him. She looked at him and let out another sob, and Mal reached over and gave her a gentle hug. He looked up at me with concern, but said nothing.

I heard laughter from the corner, and turned to see Bella playing with another little girl around her age, giggling as they played with blocks. She had a few bandages on her arms, but looked to be in good spirits otherwise.

Adreneline fading, I began to grow tired. I pulled my phone out to check the time, and was surprised to see it was only 10:30. It seemed later; much later. Bella walked up to her mother, tapping her on the shoulder.

"Momma, what's wrong? Are you okay?" she asked innocently. Elissa looked down at Bella, then picked her up and pulled her into her arms.

"N-nothing," she choked, setting her back on the floor. "I'm f-fine. Why don't you go with Mal and find s-something to eat?" Her voice shook, and I knew she was going to lose it again. I didn't know it was physically possible to cry that hard, that long. Sure, I'd done a lot of crying in the past week, but my episodes were always short, and rarely were complete breakdowns.

"Okay!" Bella chirped happily, allowing Mal to pick her up. As they walked off, Elissa sniffled, fighting back more sobs. I gently grabbed her hand again and gave it a reassuring squeeze, not knowing what else to do. I felt like I should comfort her, but I was really lousy at that kind of thing. I probably couldn't even console a cat. Not that I'd want to. Cats are evil.

Just then, a middle-aged man in a white lab coat stepped out of the double doors to our left. Elissa's head snapped up as he called her name.

"Ms. Fallon?" he asked, unphased by her emotional state. Elissa nodded quickly.

"H-How is Zach?" she asked hesitantly, blinking tears from her eyes.

"I'm afraid to say that he's not doing well. He has a rather large piece of glass embedded in this skull, several broken ribs, a broken arm, and a few large bruises on his leg. He could make it, but the alternative could occur, too. We're giving him a thirty-to-forty-percent chance of surviving this. I'm sorry," he added, turning and walking away.


	13. Chapter 13: Old Scars

**Hello again, COD-ers. C: I should be doing homework (I have a lot), but instead, I am writing fanfiction. Oh well. I regret nothing. Almost.** **ANYWAYS, here is Chapter Eleven. (: It's sad (again), but as I've promised, happier chapters are on their way! ^_^**

**Just a warning: This chapter contains some talk of self-harm. I avoided going into detail, because I know it can be a triggering point. I'm a little hesitant on posting it for that reason. I don't mention anything more than the scars left behind from it, though. I hope it's not a trigger, but please read at your own risk. If I mention it at all from here on out (later chapters), it will be good news, as in she (Elissa; I revealed that in the last chapter, if you missed that part) is healing from it. (:**

**That aside, THANKS AGAIN for all the reviews! It legitimately makes my day when you guys leave reviews. C: Hope you enjoy! C:**

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Chapter Thirteen - Old Scars

I'm sorry. Those words rang in my ear as my mind flashed back to being in this same hospital, blindly hoping to hear good news on Madi. Pain prickled my heart, but I numbly pushed it away.

Elissa broke down again, and I scooted over next to her, again rubbing her back in gentle, methodical circles.

"Shh," I soothed tiredly, fighting off my sudden fatigue.

"It's all my fault," she choked out in a feeble, broken voice. "Again." Despite my own personal grief, my heart shattered into a million pieces when she uttered that phrase. She thought it was her fault that some dumb-ass decides it would be fun to get drunk and then get behind a wheel. I don't usually care for physical touch, but I felt the need to console her, somehow. Reaching over, I pulled her to me, allowing her to cry into my shoulder. Talk about 'a shoulder to cry on'. Literally.

Suddenly, rage coarsed through me. How the hell can she be suffering like this, while that drunk moron is running free, happily getting wasted? She'd been through enough already, without blaming herself for something out of her control. Twice.

I pulled away and roughly gripped her by the shoulders, staring straight into her eyes.

"Elissa," I said sternly. Surprised at the firmness in my voice, she looked up at me and met my hard gaze.

"This is not your fault. It is in no way on you that some drunk idiot chose to be a dumbass. It was not your fault the first time, and it is not your fault now. You cannot blame yourself for something out of your control. This is in no way your fault, and you need to stop thinking that." Elissa choked out more sobs, desperately wiping at her eyes with her sleeve.

"Natara, it happened twice," she choked helplessly, "And no matter what you say, it will always be my fault to me. If Zach doesn't make it through this... I don't know if I will either."

As if my heart wasn't broken enough by this point. A wave of pain coursed through me as I remembered having a similar talk with Mal.

"No," I said, harsher than I had intended. "This is not on you. You have got to stop thinking that. There is nothing you could have done to stop it. Stop beating yourself up so much." She cried harder, shaking her head as if to say 'no'. Seeing as she was drowning in her own tears, I reached behind me and grabbed the kleenex box on the end table, then offered it to her. As she reached out to take it, the sleeve of her shirt slipped up, revealing an arm full of scars that were clearly self-inflicted wounds. Some looked faded, as if they had been there awhile; others, however, looked newer. She immediately noticed it had slipped up, and her cheeks flushed red as she tried to hastily pull it back down. I grabbed her exposed wrist before she could pull it back again, though. She looked up and met my concerned gaze, then quickly looked away, fresh tears pouring down her face. She sniffled, but stopped trying to pull her wrist back, succumbing to the firm grip I held on it.

"Please, stop that," I said softly. "No matter what happens, you can_not_ slip away again. Bella needs you now more than ever, and Zach-" I paused, choosing my words carefully, "- will want you to stay strong, regardless of anything else. And I promise you that Macon wouldn't want you to blame yourself for something that isn't your fault. You can't beat yourself up again like that, Elissa." I expected her to cry harder, but she seemed to be slowing down, finally beginning to cry herself out. I also expected her to question me, as to how I knew this information about her; but she probably guessed Mal had told me at some point. Her other hand absentmindedly drifted to her thigh. She traced her finger in small lines, as if feeling for something that was there. I winced, glancing down at her other hand.

"Ah, Liss... did you...?" I questioned partially, not wanting to finish the question. She nodded timidly, guessing the question before I had to say it.

"Please stop doing this to yourself," I said, releasing my grip on her wrist. She pulled her arm back slightly, then looked down, slowly running her other hand along the countless number of raised slash-marks. She took a deep, shaky breath, as if mustering up the courage to do or say something. Wordlessly, she extended her other arm out to me, tugging at her sleeve. She briefly closed her eyes and exhaled unsteadily. I slowly slid it up, and immediately saw the words 'guilty' and 'worthless' carved crudely into her pale skin, amongst other self-inflicted slashes. I winced, and a weird 'aw' sound escaped my lips. I gently slid her sleeve back down. She then briefly tugged her shirt up, holding it just long enough for me to see the words 'it's my fault' cut into her stomach in messy lines, as if done quickly in a furious rage. They didn't look fresh, but they were there nevertheless. Her cheeks burned red, and she looked down in utter humiliation, pointedly avoiding my gaze. Completely beside myself with shock and concern, I reached down and softly touched her arm again, gaining her attention.

"Don't. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. Just... please don't do that anymore, okay? _Please_. I'm sorry all of this happened; I really am. But you cannot put yourself through that again. You're better than that."

She looked down again, squeezing a few more tears from her eyes. Finally, she met my gaze and nodded, nervously biting her lip.

"Okay," she murmured in a raspy voice. "I won't. I... I promise." Her eyes flickered with doubt, as if immediately doubting her ability to hold to that promise; but it was quickly gone, and determination replaced it. She hesitated for a moment before reaching forward and pulling me into a hug. I complied, and gave her a tight hug. The determined fire I saw in her eyes as we pulled away made me smile, and she slowly smiled back, tugging her sleeves down and running a hand through her hair. She wiped her eyes on her sleeve, then took a few shaky breaths in and out.

"You okay?" I asked as she looked up again.

"Yeah, I am. Thank you," she said earnestly, flashing me a genuine smile.

"You're welcome," I said earnestly, smiling back at her.

Just then, Mal walked back in. Bella trotted along next to him, contentedly eating from a mini bag of goldfish. She walked up to Elissa and raised her arms up. Taking the cue, Elissa bent down and picked Bella up, bouncing her lightly on her lap.

"Where's Zach?" Bella asked, as if only just noticing he wasn't there.

"He's with the doctors," Elissa replied after a moment's hesitation. "They're taking care of him."

"Okay," Bella accepted, snuggling up against her mother. Elissa smiled and gently cradled her for a few moments. Then Bella jumped back down, running over to the corner again to join the other little girl.

The double doors opened again, and the same stoic doctor came out. This time he approached us directly, holding a clipboard.

"How is Zach?" Elissa asked, more composed than last time.

"He's stabilized, which is good. His vitals are okay, but he lost a lot of blood. We're going to need to remove the chunk of glass in his head, though. Considering how deep the wound is, we cannot comfortably do while he's awake. He's not allergic to anesthesia, is he?"

"Not that I'm aware of," she answered nervously. "He's had it in his mouth from the dentist before, so it should be alright."

"Good," he continued, jotting something down on the clipboard. "We'll have to ask you to sign this for liability, though," he finished, handing the clipboard to her. He took it and scanned it over warily, before signing her name at the bottom. She handed it back, and the doctor turned to go.

"Wait," she called, and the doctor turned. "How long will it take?"

"It depends on how deep the glass went, and how much blood he'll lose. If he's losing too much, we'll be forced to stop for a while." With that, he turned again and quickly exited the double doors.


	14. Chapter 14: Scared Like This

**THE REVIEWS. THANK YOU.**

***ahem*... Here is Chapter fourteen. C: Kind of another transition chapter, so nothing super big happens; but please do R&R anyways. C:**

**Also, DizzyRedhead, thinking about it now... a CAT scan before-hand would make more sense. I (luckily) haven't had a lot of experience with hospitals, so I have no idea what I'm talking about. Not gonna lie. xD Thanks for bringing it up, though; I'll keep that in mind. C:**

**Oh, & this is SUPER random, but... has anyone ever wondered why we rub other people's backs when they're crying/upset? xD It's kind of an odd phenomenon, but I always find myself using it in writing and real life. ANYWAYS... **

**Anyways, enjoy, and please review! ^_^**

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Chapter Fourteen - Scared Like This

"You alright?" Mal asked gently. Elissa leaned back in her seat, and looked up, exhaling deeply. Finally, she nodded the affirmative.

"Yeah, I'm okay. I... just want to sleep," she murmured sadly.

"Do you want me to grab a blanket from the car?" Mal offered, reaching for his keys.

"Well, I... yeah, that would be really nice. Thank you," she said after a moment's hesitation. He gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze before turning to go.

"I'm scared," she shuddered as Mal went to retrieve the blanket. I looked over at her, and unease was clear in her eyes. The first comforting words that came to mind were 'It'll be okay' and 'He'll be fine'; but I bit them back, realizing I couldn't promise that. I did know what it felt like to be scared like this, though.

"I know," I said instead. "Hang in there." She managed a small smile, then leaned back against the chair again, wincing in pain.

"Oww... my arm hurts," she muttered. I immediately grew alarmed, having completely forgotten about the large wound on her upper arm. Mal returned with the blanket, and was about to drape it over her, when he too noticed the streaks of dried blood that had soaked through her sweater.

"Liss, you have a huge gash on your arm. Get the doctors to check it out; you should have done that hours ago," Mal said, clearly worried. Anxiety and panic flooded her eyes, and she urgently shook her head.

"C'mon, Liss, just let them-"

"No!" she yelped, dread in her voice. "They'll see my... I don't want..." She instinctively hugged her arms, then desperately looked up at us.

"Oh," Mal said in realization, voice softening. He looked conflicted, weighing his options. Finally he sighed, giving in.

"At least let Natara clean it out," he pleaded, and she nodded consent. Noticing my bloodied sweatshirt, the look of concern returned.

"Please tell me that's not _your_ blood, Nat," he said worriedly. I looked down, and saw that it did look like it could be mine. I quickly shook my head.

"No, it's not," I replied hastily, wanting to ease his worry. "I just have a few cuts on my hands; I'll be fine." Mal nodded slowly.

"Can you run home and grab us something clean to wear?" I asked Mal. I wasn't so worried about my own clothes; I could care less if they had blood all over them. I just didn't want Elissa running around in a bloodied sweater with an open wound. That was infection waiting to happen.

"Just grab something of mine for Elissa," I added as he nodded, reaching for his keys again. He walked over and planted a soft kiss on my forehead.

"Stay safe," I murmured quietly.

"I will," Mal promised, again walking away.

I got up and led Elissa to the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind us.

"Slip off your sweater, but be careful around the cut. I can turn around if you want," I added quickly, not wanting to make her uncomfortable.

She shook her head. "No, it's fine. You already... know," she answered hesitantly. "I'll have to stand around in my bra for the next half hour, anyways," she added lightly, causing us both to laugh. I slowly helped her peel her sweater off, stopping when she yelped in pain. Some of the sweater's fabric had begun to stick to the drying blood, melding with the skin that was trying to heal over the wound. After ten minutes and multiple exclamations of pain from trying to slowly work the damn fabric off, Elissa apparently grew impatient.

"Pull it off," she muttered, gritting her teeth. "Just make it quick." I glanced up at her, then yanked it off. She grimaced, biting the inside of her mouth to avoid further yelling. I tossed the sweater to the floor, turning on the water in the sink. I quickly looked at her arm, trying to determine if there was any glass inside of it. I poked around a few times, but nothing appeared to be there. I was about to wet a paper towel, when a soft knock sounded at the door.

"It's Mal," Mal's voice called from outside. I crossed the small bathroom and opened the door enough to grab the two shirts, bottle of hydrogen peroxide and sheet of gauze and bandage he handed me. "That should help disinfect it," he said, referencing the bottle of liquid. I thanked him and closed the door again, cracking the bottle open. Elissa groaned when she saw the bottle.

"This isn't gonna be fun, is it," she muttered, sounding like it was more of a statement than a question."

"It will hurt, yes; but that's good. It means it's getting any infections out. I'll do it quick, I promise." She nodded silently, bracing herself. I pulled a wad of paper towels from the dispenser, wetting them with the hydrogen peroxide. I quickly pushed it down on part of the cut, and she involuntarily winced.

"Ugh, damn it," she muttered, biting her lip to keep from yelling.

"Tell me when it stops stinging, for the most part," I advised, applying slight pressure to her arm.

"It's good," she announced a few seconds later. I applied the stuff several more times, asking her to repeat my prior request. I then rinsed the entire thing out with water, patting it semi-dry with another wad of paper towels. I loosely wrapped the gauze around her arm, then wrapped the bandage around it, securing it in place with the clip that had been attached to it. I handed her one of the shirts Mal had brought. I slipped my sweatshirt off, then put the other shirt on. I pulled it down to my hips, adjusting it until it was comfortable. I helped Elissa pull her arms through the sleeves, careful not to undo the bandage. The shirt hung loosely on her, but it would work. She grabbed a paper towel, wet it in the sink, then rubbed it under her eyes, removing faded smudges of make-up. When she finished, she tossed the paper towel into the garbage, and picked up the bloody sweater, holding the door open for me as I grabbed my sweatshirt and the hydrogen peroxide.

We met Mal back in the waiting room. I handed the bottle of peroxide to him, and noticed he looked exhausted. I glanced at the large clock on the wall. 12:17 am. Sighing, I tossed the bloody clothes into a plastic bag he'd brought.

"Alright, _now_ I'm going to sleep," Elissa announced tiredly, rubbing her swollen eyes.

"I think we'll try to get some sleep, too." Mal said, speaking for me.

"Oh, you don't have to stay. Actually, you two should go home," she insisted.

"No, it's okay. We'll stay," Mal said, speaking for me again. I barely even knew Zach, but something in me needed to know how he was doing.

"Guys, c'mon..." she persisted.

"No, really. We want to stay," I said, smiling tiredly.

"Well, okay... just get some sleep." We nodded, and Elissa spread herself out across one of the couches. She was asleep within minutes. I went and sat down by Mal, leaning my head on his shoulder. He slid his arm around me and pulled me to him.

"I am completely emotionally drained," I muttered exhaustedly, suppressing a yawn.

"I know," Mal said, rubbing my arm. "So am I."

"I barely even know them, but... something in me needs Zach to be okay. I don't know why, I... I don't know," I stumbled.

"I know what you mean. At least sort of. I... don't know either, honestly."

"I just hope he'll be okay," I said with a sigh.

"So do I," he said, sounding exhausted. "In the meantime, let's get some sleep; you look about as exhausted as I feel."

"Gee, thanks," I said teasingly, needing to lighten the mood

"Shut up," he laughed. "You know what I mean. I'm tired, alright?" He took my hand, and I leaned my head on his shoulder.

"I love you," Mal said softly, squeezing my hand.

"I love you, too," I returned, smiling up at him. He leaned down and gave me a quick kiss, causing me to blush slightly, even now. He shifted his position against the couch, allowing me a more comfortable position. Exhausted, I closed my eyes, and was asleep within minutes.


	15. Chapter 15: Unsteady

**Hey, guys! I've been busy with Honors Chemistry homework, but I managed some time to write (at 1:30 am). C: Here's Chapter Fifteen! **

**This chapter is also a more transitional one, but it's not as sad, either. I still have plenty to do with this story, so it will get long. Hopefully you guys don't lose interest! xD **

**Also, please excuse any annoying typos; I wrote this all on my iPod at 1:00 in the morning. xD**

**Anyways, THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN for all the reviews! You are all awesome! :D Enjoy!**

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Chapter Fifteen - Unsteady

I didn't know what time it was, but I woke up the next morning feeling sick to my stomach. I figured the days of emotional stress and not sleeping or eating enough had finally caught up to my health. I sat up and groaned, holding my stomach. I tried to stand, but immediately felt dizzy and nauseous. I grabbed the side of the end table to keep from falling over. Mal stirred next to me and groggily sat up. He rubbed his eyes into focus, and instantly noticed me stumbling around.

"Are you okay?" he asked with concern, reaching out to steady me. He shifted over and forced me to sit down.

"Yeah, I just… have a stomachache or cramps or something. I think the lack of sleep, food and normalcy in our lives is catching up to me. I'll be fine."

"Do you want something to eat?" he asked, still obviously worried. Despite my churning stomach, I realized I was starving. I hadn't eaten since the café yesterday, and even that was only a small bowl of soup.

"Yeah, actually. All I've had to eat in the past forty-eight hours or so, is a bowl of soup and an iced tea," I replied, attempting to stand again. Once again, I almost fell over, and Mal quickly jumped up to help me.

"Easy there," he muttered, grabbing my arm. I glanced over at Elissa, and saw that she was still fast asleep. Bella slouched in a different chair, peacefully sleeping. I didn't want to wake either of them, so we quietly went out the door. We took the elevator, since I didn't think I could make it down the stairs. How pathetic. We rode down to the first floor, then unsteadily walked to the cafeteria.

"What do you want?" he asked me, making me sit down.

"Something with chicken in it," I said, even though it was the morning. I had obtained a sudden desire for chicken. "Not too greasy, though."

"Got it," he said, walking towards the line. I glanced at the large clock on the wall. About 9:30. Tiredly, I pulled my phone from my pocket. Three un-read texts popped up: one from Blaise, one from Amy, and one from Jeremy. I opened and read them individually.

**(1)** new text from** Jeremy Redbird**

Sent on **11/24/15 **at **12:37 am**

'_Blaise and I caught the guy who hit Elissa's car. He was drunk out of his mind. More details later. Hope Elissa and kids are okay.'_

**(1)** new text from **Amy Chen**

Sent on **11/24/15** at** 1:03 am**

_'Blaise and Jeremy busted the hit-and-run guy. His blood-alcohol level was .22, so he was completely intoxicated. Jeremy and Blaise will give you more details later. Hope everyone is okay!'_

**(1)** new text from **Blaise Corso**

Sent on **11/24/15** at **1:18 am**

_'Jeremy already told you about the drunk-ass guy, but we'll come by with details in the morning. Will you be at the hospital?'_

I quickly typed replies.

New text message to **Jeremy Redbird**

_'Awesome, thanks Jeremy. Elissa and her daughter are fine, but her son is in the hospital. Don't know how he's doing recently, but I'll check later.'_

New text message to **Amy Chen**

_'Damn, he really was drunk. Elissa and her daughter are okay, but we don't know about her son yet. Thanks for the info, Ames!" _

New text message to **Blaise Corso**

_'Thanks, Blaise. Yes, we're at the hospital.'_

I put my phone down as Mal returned with a tray. He handed me a paper plate with a chicken sandwich and mixed fruit on it, then set down a steaming mug filled with what smelled like peppermint tea.

"Thank you," I said with a smile.

"No problem," he said, smiling back.

I had finished the fruit and eaten about half the sandwich before remembering the texts I'd received.

"Oh, by the way, Blaise and Jeremy got the guy who hit Elissa's car. He was completely intoxicated, to say the least. Amy said his blood-alcohol level was point-twenty-two. Blaise and Jeremy are coming by later with more details."

"Damn," he said, swallowing a bite of some sort of pasta.

"That's what I said. They said they'd be here soon, so-" I was cut off by my phone vibrating on the table next to me, and I glanced down at it. "Oh, that's Blaise."

**(1)** new text from **Blaise Corso**

Sent on **11/24/15** at **9:49** **am**

_'Jeremy and I are on our way. Where are you guys?'_

"They're on their way," I told Mal. He nodded and quickened his pace on eating. I quickly typed a reply.

New text message to **Blaise Corso**

_'Second floor, children's wing. Just in the lobby area. See you soon.'_

I pressed 'send', then hastily finished my sandwich and downed the last of my tea. I stood slowly, expecting to feel dizzy again; but whatever I had, had appeared to pass. My stomach seemed to be fine now, too.

I tossed my trash into the garbage can, then followed Mal back to the elevator.

Back upstairs, we met Blaise and Jeremy in the lobby. Bella was eating Cheerios out of a styrofoam bowl, and Elissa was talking to Blaise. Elissa glanced up and saw us, flashing us a smile of greeting.

"Good morning," she said, still sounding tired.

"Hey," Mal and I greeted.

"Anything new on this guy?" I asked Blaise and Jeremy.

"We found him about five miles up the road. Name is Troy Hall, age twenty-six. He was so intoxicated, that he passed out, so the car drove itself right off the road. He hit lamp-post. The speed limit was thirty-five, but I'm guessing he was going at least fifty. It's a wonder that guy isn't dead. He's around this hospital somewhere, too, but he'll be in jail soon."

"Amy probably told you this," Jeremy added, "But his blood-alcohol content was point-twenty-two. There was another guy in the passenger's seat, which was his brother. Landon Hall. He hadn't been drinking; he's 16 and under-age, but we checked anyways. You never know these days. He has an instructional permit, and his brother is over twenty-one, so _technically_, from a legal standpoint, Landon could have been driving."

"So why the hell wasn't he, if he knew what was going on?" I asked, trying to figure out why Landon would let Troy drive when he was that drunk.

"I asked him that," Jeremy answered, "And he said he tried to tell Troy not to, and that he could drive; but his brother apparently punched him, told him to shut up, and insisted he wasn't drunk. They were only a few blocks from home, so Landon complied, thinking they would be fine for a few blocks. ."

"A forgivable error on Landon's part, but it was still ultimately Troy's fault for driving," Blaise added.

"Drunk idiots piss me off _so_ bad," Mal fumed, scowling.

"And get this," Blaise continued. "He was busted for DUI a few years ago, too. He hit a car with a mother and son, and killed the little boy upon impact. The mother was apparently fine. Unfortunately, the moron was bailed out of jail, so he never served the damn prison time. He's sentenced to 25-to-life now, and has his license revoked. He'll be required by law to have an ignition interlock device in his car, _if_ he ever drives again. The bail is set so high now, that nobody will be able to afford it. He'll definitely be paying his dues this time around."

My eyes widened in shock, and Mal looked equally as surprised.

"Good Lord," Mal sighed. I happened to glance over at Elissa, and had to do a double-take. Her face had drained of color, and her hand had flown to her mouth. She was breathing unsteadily, and looked like she could fall over at any second. I was about to ask what was wrong, before something horrible dawned on me.

_Previous DUI._

_A few years ago._

_Hit a car._

_Mother was okay._

_Little boy was killed._

My eyes widened in realization.

_That bastard. _


	16. Chapter 16: Zach

**Hi, guys! I haven't updated for a while, I know. I've been too busy to write. :C But I am back with Chapter Sixteen. C: I don't really like this chapter that much, but hopefully it's not too terrible. XD **

**Thanks again for all the reviews, lovelies! Enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter Sixteen - Zach

"Ah, hell," Mal muttered, arriving at the same realizations I had. I watched as Elissa stumbled backwards a few steps, as if she had just been punched in the stomach. Her hand flew to her mouth, and she quickly grabbed onto the side of a chair to keep from falling over. Lowering herself onto the seat, she leaned her head into her hands. I could visibly see her try to calm herself down by taking deep breaths. I looked up again and met Blaise and Jeremy's puzzled gazes.

"I, uh... Did I miss something here?" Jeremy asked with confusion. Blaise looked worriedly at Elissa, a questioning look in her eyes.

"I'll... Tell you later," I said with another sidelong glance at Elissa, not wanting to bring it up again in while she was on the verge of a complete mental breakdown. Blaise and Jeremy nodded understanding, then stood in awkward silence for a few seconds.

Finally, Elissa raised her head and shakily stood. Mal gave her a questioning 'you okay?' look, and she nodded after a moment's hesitation. Suddenly, the double doors on the other side of the room opened again, and out stepped a doctor. I quickly glanced over at him, then had to take a double-take, realizing he looked familiar.

"That guy looks famil-" I started, trying to remember where I'd seen him. "Oh, God," I finished, finally comprehending who it was. I heard Mal's breath catch in his throat, and I knee he recognized him, too.

It was the same doctor who had tried to help Madi. He was the one who voiced our biggest fear, then later confirmed it. I swallowed the forming lump in my throat, forcing back any oncoming emotions. Whether or not he remembered us, I don't know.

"Elissa Fallon?" he called in the same smooth voice I remembered. Elissa immediately whirrled around, making eye contact with the doctor.

"Yes?" she said, trying to suppress the nervous shaking she had acquired within the past five minutes.

"You are Zach's mother, correct?" he asked.

"Yes, I am," she answered. She took a nervous breath in before continuing. "How... is he?"

"The surgery went successfully, and we were able to remove the chunk of glass. He responded well to the anesthesia, and he's just now coming out of it."

"Will he be okay?" she asked, a timid, hopeful note in her voice.

"There will be a scar in that spot for quite a while, but there won't be any permanent brain damage. He'll be fine, after a few weeks of recovery. He might not recall a lot of the accident, though, so I wouldn't push too much about it. But he will be fine."

A huge smile spread across Elissa's face, and her eyes immediately lit up. "Can we see him?"

"Yes, but please try not to be too jumpy. He's still drugged up, and he'll be very tired. Talk to him briefly, then let him rest."

"Thank you so much," she exclaimed gratefully, still smiling ear-to-ear. The doctor turned and we followed him back behind the doors, grabbing Bella on the way. Blaise and Jeremy stayed in the waiting room, quietly talking.

We all filed into the small room. Zach smiled and waved at us, flashing a grin with several baby teeth missing. Elissa was greeted by a tired-yet-happy smile and excited screech from Zach.

"Mommy!" he exclaimed ecstatically, reaching his arms out. Elissa embraced him, tears of joy spilling from her eyes. Mal and I watched with smiles on our faces, taking the scene in. Something inside me hurt, though, watching them re-unite like that. Of course I was happy Zach was okay, and I was happy for Elissa; but part of the situation hurt, reminding me that the news for us was not the same.

The emotions I had been somehow able to push aside the past twenty-four hours, came flooding back to me in one big tidal wave. I turned from the room and exited back into the hallway. Mal quickly followed me, once again appearing to read my mind. The pain in his eyes reflected my own. I didn't know how to say what I felt, but Mal seemed to understand. I bit back tears as Mal hugged me, immediately making me feel safe.

Just then, Elissa walked out again with a huge smile still on her face. We quickly separated, and I blinked my tears back, not wanting to rain on her parade. Despite our attempts to hide the fact that we were upset, she still saw us; her smile quickly evaporated, only to be replaced with wide, apologetic eyes.

"Oh, I… I'm sorry! I just-" she started, realizing why we were upset.

"No, it's okay. Don't apologize," Mal said with a forced smile. I smiled, too, hoping it didn't look too fake. "We're happy that Zach is okay, really. We're just… not a fan of hospitals."

"I… okay. I know. I'm sor-… uh…" She bit her lip and awkwardly looked away.

I could tell she felt bad for her own joy, and I didn't want to make her feel like that. She had every right to be overjoyed that Zach was okay. I would have been, if it were... my own daughter.

When it got to the point that I felt bad for making her feel bad about something she should feel good about, I knew it was time to go.

"I think Mal and I are going to go home," I announced. Elissa nodded knowingly.

"Yeah, you and Mal should go and catch up on some sleep," she advised with relief, glad that I changed the subject.

"Will you need a ride later?" Mal asked, considering the fact that Elissa's car was in no shape to actually drive.

"No, I'll just take a cab. Thanks, though," she added with a smile.

I really hated to dampen the mood, but I couldn't help it. Of course we were happy that Zach would be okay; Elissa had gone through so much already. But that didn't stop the ache in my heart that got ten times worse whenever I was reminded of Madi.

"Alright, well, we'll see you later," I said, flashing her a smile. She reached over and gave Mal a hug, then turned to me, also embracing me.

"Thank you guys _so_ much, for everything," she said with sincerity, making eye contact with us both.

"Anytime," we both said, smiling at her before turning and exiting the double doors, emerging back into the lobby. Blaise and Jeremy sat in chairs, still talking to each other.

"Everything okay?" Blaise asked, standing up. Jeremy followed suit.

"Yeah, Zach is fine!" I said a little too cheerfully.

Blaise narrowed her eyes slightly, picking up on the falsity of my cheerfulness. Again, I felt bad for feeling bad, but thankfully, Blaise chose not to press farther.

"What was wrong with Elissa?" Blaise asked instead, referring to the information I said I would tell her later. Mal and I proceeded to explain her past, not bothering to delve into great detail.

"Damn," Blaise and Jeremy both said in unison.

"That's horrible," Jeremy uttered.

"That sucks," Blaise concluded.

"Yeah, it is, and yeah, it does," I said sadly. We made some small-talk before Blaise spoke up.

"Alright, well, Jer and I are gonna head out, then," Blaise said.

"You two should get to bed early, you look exhausted," Jeremy added.

"I know, we are," Mal said tiredly.

Blaise and Jeremy turned towards the door, offering a quick goodbye. "See ya' later," they both called.

Mal and I waited until they had gone down the elevator, before following, taking the stairs. We drove back in comfortable silence, both of us exhausted. Though it was still early afternoon, all I wanted to do was sleep. As soon as we got home, we both collapsed on the couch.

"I'm so tired," I groaned, "Physically, mentally, emotionally, and probably every other aspect." Mal uttered a tired agreement, allowing me to lean on his shoulder. Within minutes, we were both asleep, unable to stay awake any longer.


	17. Chapter 17: Numb

**Hi, guys! I haven't updated in a few days, and I probably won't get to it this weekend; so here is Chapter 17, for now. I'm going to a Carrie Underwood/Hunter Hayes concert this Friday (in IA, but I live in MN, so I won't have internet to post if I do write), then Saturday is homecoming; so I won't have time to write really. XD**

**I think I'm going to start doing review replies here, too, as not everyone is logged in/has PM's on for me to reply to. So here they are; just skip them if you don't wanna read them:**

**_DizzyRedhead ~ Thank you! I'm glad you like it so far! (:_**

**_HopelessRomantic1994 ~ Thanks! Glad you're liking it. (:_**

**_Guest ~ Thanks for reviewing! She 'loses it' at a few points in this story. Chapter four is the 'big' one, but she starts crying a few other places, too, for obvious reasons. _**

**_mozzi-girl ~ Thank you! Yes, I'm glad he's okay, too. xD _**

**_Crimson Endings ~ Thanks! I'm glad I'm making you feel bad for them, in that slightly-cynical-writer kind of way! xD_**

**_Helen ~ Thank you so much! I'm really happy that you like it and took the time to read it. (:_**

**_The Miz ~ Thank you, and thanks for the review! The story is meant to be more sad, as in, not so much of solving a crime, as family building and such. I'll be working the cousin (Elissa)'s situation in with Mal and Natara's, so don't worry; I'm still going strong with this story! But thank you so much for the feedback! :D_**

**ANYWAYS, without further a-do… chapter 17, enjoy! :D**

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Chapter Seventeen - Numb

I didn't know what the hell was wrong with me, but I woke up the next morning feeling nauseous and dizzy once again; and, once again, I foolishly tried to stand up. Mal stirred and opened his eyes just in time to see me almost fall flat on my face.

"Whoa," he exclaimed, swiftly lunging forward and grabbing my arm. "Easy there." I quickly sat back down, groaning slightly at the nausea.

"Are you okay?" Mal questioned, concerned as always.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said irritably, brushing Mal's hand off my arm.

"What's wrong?" he persisted. He reached out and lightly touched my wrist.

"Nothing," I snapped, glaring at him. "I said I'm fine."

I abruptly pulled my wrist back, and Mal blinked in surprise at my hostile attitude. I kind of felt bad for being so curt with him.

"Oh, okay… I'm sorry," he apologized, making me feel worse.

"No, don't be. I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me." I put my head in my hands, exhaling deeply.

"It's okay," he said softly, rubbing my back. "It would help if you would tell me what's wrong, though. Then maybe I can make myself useful."

"Same thing as yesterday… stomachache or something, and I'm really dizzy." I sat up and pushed my hair away from my face, attempting to straighten up. That just made the feeling in my stomach worse, though, and I quickly slouched back down with a slight groan. Suddenly, all of my emotions that I had managed to suppress, in light of Elissa's situation, came flooding back to me. I didn't feel like crying like I thought I would; it was more of a suppressed ache. I was pretty sure there was no way I could cry any more anyways. I just kind of felt… numb.

"The stress is probably just getting to you," Mal concluded. I nodded, thinking this seemed logical. I did get headaches and stomachaches from working a lot and such. Recent events had taken stress to a whole new level, though; levels that I didn't even think humanly attainable. I couldn't do a single thing without a dull, aching pain in my chest, reminding me of who wasn't there any more. Everything that reminded me of Madi hurt like hell. Even walking past her closed bedroom door felt like a bullet to my heart. I had never comprehended that it was possible to just _hurt_ that much. On top of that, I'd been so damn _tired _lately. Even simple tasks seemed to completely drain me of any energy I had. It was as if I had to mentally muster up enough strength and motivation to even get up and get dressed. I knew life would go on, and I had a lot more I should be thankful for; but at that moment, I honestly felt like I wouldn't care if I died right then. I'd never inflict that on myself, of course, but it just felt like there was nothing to live for. I had Mal, though, so I'm not sure why I felt that way. I guess I was just too focused on what I didn't have, that I momentarily forgot to appreciate what I _did _have_. _

"You alright?" Mal asked again, softer that time. Something told me he was no longer talking about my physical state.

"Yeah, I'm fi-" I started to reply, but Mal gave me a look, silently telling me that he knew I was lying. The look in his eyes told me that I didn't need to lie to him. I don't know why I felt like I needed to lie in the first place, anyways. I shouldn't have, really; especially with Mal. I guess it was just hard to admit my feelings to myself, let alone someone else. I just felt so weak and vulnerable when I let my feelings show. I wish I didn't, because I shouldn't. Somewhere deep inside me, I knew there was nothing wrong with wearing my heart on my sleeve sometimes. But the majority of me just wanted to keep it to myself; bottle it up inside 'till I either have a breakdown, or go completely crazy.

"No," I finally finished honestly. "No, I'm not. And I'm not really sure if there will ever again be a point in time, where I will honestly be able to say 'yes' to that question." I looked up into his eyes and he met my tired gaze, my own exhaustion reflected in his ocean-blue eyes. He opened his mouth a few times, like he was about to say something; but no words came out. He just stared at me sadly, unable to comfort me when he himself was not okay.

"Are _you _okay?" I asked, changing the topic away from myself. Though I anticipated the answer, I asked anyways.

"No," he sighed, hesitating only a split second. "I'm not, and I'm not sure when the answer to that question will be 'yes', either."

"I don't know what to do…" I said almost inaudibly, still staring hopelessly into his eyes.

"I don't, either," he answered, resting his hand on my thigh. I put my hand on top of his and rubbed the top of his hand with my thumb.

"I just… I want to be okay," I confessed, biting my lip to hold back emotions.

"You wanna talk about it?" Mal asked. As much as I wanted to say no, I found the word 'yeah' coming out of my mouth. My feelings needed to come out eventually, and I supposed that was as good a time as any.

"Go ahead," he urged gently, turning his hand to hold mine and giving it a soft, reassuring squeeze.

"I just… I feel like everything I do takes all my energy and life away. Even finding the motivation to get up and dressed in the morning takes my energy from me. I'm just so tired all the time, and… and everything reminds me of Madi. Just walking past her damn _room_ hurts like hell. That pain is always there, constantly prodding me. Even when I'm laughing, it's still there. It doesn't go away, and I hate it. I hate feeling weak and useless and so susceptible to emotion. I feel like nothing will ever be right or okay again. I just… it really sucks."

When I finished, Mal just looked at me sadly. I blinked tears away before they got the chance to fall.

"Grieving for your daughter does not make you weak or useless, Nat. It's normal. I know that's not something you like to admit, but like you said to me: beating yourself up is making it worse. I don't know when or if we'll be okay again, but… I'm glad I don't have to fight this alone. I've got you, and that is the only way I can even come close to getting through this."

Despite the topic, I couldn't help but smile and blush slightly at Mal's words.

"I can't do this by myself, Mal," I confessed, finally admitting dependence. "As much as I hate to admit it, I'm not strong enough to do this on my own. I… I need you."

Mal smiled at me slightly, then reached over and pulled me into a long embrace.

"You're stronger than you think, Nat." he said. "But regardless, I'm glad I don't have to push through this by myself."

As we pulled back, I asked him the same thing.

"What about you, Mal? Do _you _want to talk about anything?" Mal hesitated for a moment, as if gathering what to say.

"I guess I feel the same way. Like everything I do is just sucking the life out of me, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. And it doesn't help that every time I see a little girl, I want to punch a wall. It hurts, and that hurt tends to channel to anger for me. I… I don't know, really. I just… yeah, it _does _suck."

I also said nothing, at a loss for words. Instead, I said, "I love you."

"I love you, too," Mal said, kissing me quickly on the lips. "Let's just keep hanging on, okay?"

"Okay," I said with a sad smile; because 'holding on' was the only thing I could do anymore.


	18. Chapter 18: Doctor's Visit

**Hi, guys! It's been forever since I updated, but here it is nonetheless. This chapter is short, but I think you'll really like the next one... (: Review replies: **

**_Crimson Endings ~ Thank you! It was really fun! I love them, too. C:_**

**_DizzyRedhead ~ Thanks a ton! (:_**

**_mozzi-girl ~ Hmm, I don't know... (; Thank you! (:_**

**_HopelessRomantic1994 ~ Thank you! :D_**

**_Juliette ~ Thank you so much! Long reviews are definitely okay with me. (:_**

**THANK YOU for all the reviews, and enjoy! **

* * *

Chapter Eighteen - Doctor's Visit

The next week dragged by with a painful, gray slowness. Despite the sunny weather outside, every day just felt gloomy and tired. When I was around others, I tried to push all my thoughts to the back of my mind, and pretend I was at least somewhat-okay. Mal did this, too. We had to make everyone believe that we weren't completely falling apart. More often than not, I had woken up feeling either nauseous, dizzy, or both. I'd also been having weird food issues; I switched from craving one food, to hating another.

"But you love Chinese, Nat," Mal said, trying to force me to eat some chicken one day.

"I'm not hungry right now, Mal. I said my stomach hurts."

"I think you should get that checked out," he advised. "It's been happening a lot lately."

"I know," I murmured absentmindedly, sipping a glass of water. "But it's probably like you said… just stress-related or something."

"It's been a week, Nat," he argued.

"I know," I said again. He sighed.

"If this goes on for another week, will you go to the doctor?"

"Mal, I'm okay," I persisted, meeting his worried gaze.

"I'm sure you are," he said. "But I don't really want to risk it. I want to know for sure, okay? Promise me you'll go? Please?" I sighed, feeling my defensive walls crumble.

"Okay, fine," I muttered, giving in.

"Thank you," he replied, leaning in and kissing me on the forehead. I managed a small smile, and he squeezed my hand in reply.

* * *

Another week went by, and sure enough, I had continued to wake up almost every morning feeling queasy or dizzy. The few mornings I woke up feeling okay, were days accompanied by fatigue and unusual emotional agitation.

"You need to go to the doctor," Mal urged. "You promised."

"Mal..." I pleaded.

"Please, Natara? If not for yours, then at least for my own peace of mind. I don't know what I would do without you, and I refuse to take any risk of losing you, even if it's a small one. Please."

"Damn you and your sweet words," I muttered, feigning annoyance.

"I know you hate hospitals and doctors, but I'll be there with you."

I couldn't help but smile as I replied. "Thanks, Mal." He simply smiled back. I stood up to go call the doctor, but Mal pulled me back down for a moment. He gave me a soft kiss on the cheek, then released me.

"You're so cheesy," I teased with a laugh. "But I love you." He just smirked in reply, laughing lightly.

Ten minutes later, I had made an appointment for later that day. I just wanted to get it over with, for God's sake.

* * *

Several hours later, Mal and I found ourselves sitting in yet another waiting room. Not the ER, granted, but a waiting room nonetheless. I didn't know what it was about hospitals and doctors, but they gave me the creeps. They still do. I shivered involuntarily, and Mal reached over and took my hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. I smiled gratefully at him, just as a short, petite lady walked out of the back room, calling my name.

"Natara Fallon?" she called. I stood up and Mal followed suit. She flashed us a smile as she held the door open, guiding us into a small room.

"Hi, how are you?" she asked sweetly.

"Good," I said after a slight hesitation. "How are you?"

"Good, thank you," she chimed, sitting down in front of a computer. "What brings you in today?"

"I've been waking up feeling sick to my stomach lately; and when I try to stand up, I get super dizzy," I answered.

"How long has this been going on?" she questioned, keys clacking as she typed into the computer.

"A couple weeks."

"Have there been any changes of environment or extremely stressful situations lately?"

"Not really, and yes."

"Do you get dizzy other times of the day?"

"Sometimes," I answered after a moment's thought. I guess I had been getting dizzy spells lately.

"Have you noticed significant changes in your appetite or weight?"

"Appetite, yes; weight, no. I don't think so, anyways."

"Are you eating more or less?"

"Less, I suppose." She nodded with a quick questioning glance. 'I suppose' probably wasn't the definite answer they were looking for, but oh well. The nurse pulled out the sphygmomanometer, and I instinctively moved my arm towards it. She wrapped the thing around my arm, taking my blood pressure.

"One-twenty-four over eighty-two. Your blood pressure is normal," she concluded.

"Okay... If you'll just hop up on the table over there, I'll check your vitals." I nodded and crossed the room, sitting down on the examining table. She did the normal check-up routine, apparently finding nothing wrong.

"Do you mind if we draw some blood for testing?" she asked, pausing from her typing. "It'll show if there's any deficiency or lack of anything in your system."

"Go ahead," I consented. The nurse nodded, then motioned for me to follow her to the lab. Mal remained seated, awkwardly pulling his phone out of his pocket and fiddling with it.

Once in the lab, she quickly applied disinfectant, then took a vile of blood from my right arm. Most people hate needles and getting blood drawn, but I barely even felt the needle go in. Blood doesn't much phase me like it used to. Not like that, anyways.

When she finished, she guided me b ack into the room with Mal.

"Your blood test results should be in by tomorrow at the latest," she said, scribbling on a clip board. "Until then, I think we should hold off on any further treatments."

"Okay, thank you!" I said with a smile. Mal thanked her, too, and helped me put my jacket on. He opened the door for me, and I flashed him a 'thank you' smile as we headed back out to the car.


	19. Chapter 19: Surprise

**Hello! I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas! Please excuse my lack of updating. Here is Chapter Nineteen; it's a long one, but I think you'll like it. (; I would do review replies, but I'm typing this on my iPod, and I'm quite lazy. So instead, here is a huge THANK YOU! for reviews. (:**

**Anyways, enjoy, & please let me know what you think!**

* * *

Chapter Nineteen - Surprise

The sound of the phone ringing woke me up the next morning. Mal jerked awake and sat up to get it; but I shook my head, standing to answer it instead. I hurried to the phone in the kitchen and quickly picked it up, still attempting to shake off the grogginess.

"Hello?" I chimed into it. Who called at eight in the morning on a Saturday, anyways?

"Hi, is this Natara Fallon?" a female voice questioned.

"Yes," I confirmed, puzzled. I momentarily pulled the phone away from my ear to check the caller ID. It read 'San Francisco Medical Clinic'. I suppressed a a groan. _Wonderful_.

"We got your blood test results back, and there's good news!" she continued excitedly.

"What did you find out?" I asked a bit impatiently, eager to go back to bed.

"You're pregnant!" she exclaimed. "The nausea and dizziness are both part of the early pregnancy stage; and if you've been having cravings or mood swings, that's part of it, too. It's only been a few weeks so far, though."

As she said those words, I swear my heart nearly stopped beating. "I… wait, what? But that… that can't…" I stumbled ungracefully for words, but nothing intelligible came. I mean, I couldn't be… _pregnant_. There must have been a mistake of some sort. The timing was horrible, to say the least. Mal and I had just lost Madi; we weren't ready for another kid. Not now. Not this soon. Maybe not _ever_.

"You're pregnant," she repeated less joyously, seeming to guess that this wasn't something planned. When I didn't reply, she said, "Sweetie, are you okay?"

"I… uh, yeah. I'm fine. Thank you for calling." I slammed the phone back onto the receiver, and I suddenly felt like I was going to pass out. I turned towards the counter, putting both hands on it to steady myself. I leaned my weight forward, and slowly breathed in and out, fighting back tears.

Most women my age would be delighted to hear that news; but for me, someone who had just lost a child… it just hurt. It shouldn't, but it did; I felt bad, but I didn't care.

Suddenly, a wave of fear coursed through me as I was reminded of the first time I was pregnant with Madison. She was a complete surprise, to say the least. Mal and I were just dating at the time, and we certainly weren't planning on having a child. I was as scared to tell him then as I was now, especially considering our lack of marital status at the time. I was afraid he'd leave, and fulfill the daunting fear that I'd always had; the mistrust of men, originating with my father. With the absence of a father-figure for most of my young adult life, I had always been extremely leery of trusting people; especially guys, particularly in the field of romantic interests. I always had a fear that I wasn't capable of loving or being loved; that nobody would be able to put up with me for extended periods of time, and vice versa. So although I didn't always trust them or even romantically love them, really, I accepted whoever first came my way: Shawn, Oscar, and a number of college boyfriends. As hard as it was to admit… I accepted their affection, because I was scared nobody else would give me theirs. That had always been something I'd been insecure about, ever since high school; and at the rate I was going, I seriously doubted I would overcome that one any time soon.

Mal knew all of that, of course; he knew my fears and insecurities, but he still chose not to run full-speed for the hills, like others previously had. I wouldn't have been surprised, really. I don't know why he hell he stuck around, but he did.

That's all completely fine by me, though; you won't hear _me_complaining.

Though the sensible, logical part of me knew that he would never leave me, that small, insecure whisper was always there. It always managed to attack me when I was the most vulnerable. I knew my fears would eat me alive until I either told him, or went completely off my rocker. He stuck around the first time, so I don't know why I even had the _thought_that he'd give up now. My mind was spinning a hundred miles an hour, though, so I guess I just couldn't keep track. Conflicting emotions warred inside of me, and all I wanted to do was scream. Or cry. Or both, simultaneously.

Just then, Mal emerged from the bedroom. He started to ask a question, but abruptly abandoned it when he saw me.

"Who was on the ph- uh, are you okay?" Without changing my position, I glanced up at him, biting my lip to keep from crying for the eightieth time that month. I took a deep breath to maintain my composure, then started.

"The doctor called. They… have my test results." I stopped, suddenly scared out of my mind to finish. What would Mal think? Or my parents? Or anyone, for that matter? Looking back now, I shouldn't have been scared, and I don't know why the hell I was. What an idiot I am.

"And?" he prompted shortly, concern etched in his eyes.

"I'm… I'm pregnant," I finished. Mal's eyes widened, and he stared at me in complete shock, trying to comprehend what I had just said. By the brief, distant look in his eyes, I knew his mind flashed back to the first time I'd told him I was expecting.

"Wh… what?" he stumbled incredulously, focusing his gaze back on me. "Are… are you sure, Nat?"

"About as sure as I can be," I sighed miserably. Again, I felt bad for being miserable about this, but I couldn't help it. It was just… hard to explain.

Mal was silent for a few moments, still clearly in shock. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, like he was about to say something; but he never seemed to find any words.

"I'm not ready for this, _damn_ _it_," I yelled in a chocked voice, slamming my hand on the counter. I tried to brush away the stupid tears that insisted on falling, which only served in further frustrating myself. I exhaled angrily, swiping a pile of papers and mail off the counter. They fluttered to the floor, scattering in all directions.

"Aw, babe," he murmured. He came up behind me and gently wrapped his arms around my stomach, resting his head on my shoulder. I placed my hands on top of his arms as he hugged me from behind, feeling my anger fade away, only to once again be replaced by pain. After a couple minutes, I turned around to face him. He took my hands, and I looked up at him, meeting his ocean-blue gaze.

"I don't know what to do," I confessed, fighting to keep the tremor out of my voice. "I'm not ready for this. I… I can't have another kid right now. It's too soon. I can't do this, Mal," I finished, my voice cracking at the end.

"You have a few options," he reminded me gently. "It'll take about nine months; that will give us more time to... prepare. Adoption would be a great thing to consider, too. Or you could... well, abort it. I'd really prefer if you didn't, but it's ultimately your choice."

"No," I answered quickly, without even giving it a second thought. "I'm not aborting it. Not after everything that's happened. I will _not_intentionally kill a child, no matter how inconvenient this is."

"Okay," Mal sighed, relief clear in his voice and eyes. "You don't need to decide now. We have time."

"How long do you think we can keep this… private?" I asked. I knew the answer, but I didn't want to accept it. I wanted to hear it from him, even though he only knew second-hand information. I knew I probably wouldn't start showing for another couple months; but I'd been pregnant before, so there was a high probability that I'd show sooner the second time around than I had the first time. Because of my job, I was in shape to begin with, which would only further highlight the fact that it wasn't just myself I was carrying around. His answer pretty much mirrored what I already knew, and we again were both lost for words.

"When do you... want to tell other people?" Mal asked cautiously, breaking the stiff silence.

"Not yet," I answered after a moment. "I'll probably tell Neha and Amy first, and then my parents. But not now. Not yet." Mal nodded understandingly. "Can we just... keep it to ourselves as long as we can? I'd rather just cross that bridge when it comes."

"That's fine," he consented calmly. "I'll leave that one up to you. Do whatever is comfortable for you. After all, it's not me that the kid is coming out of." I nodded gratefully, and couldn't help the slight laugh that escaped my lips.

"Thank you," I said quietly. He nodded, and we stood in noiselessness once again. I leaned into him, briefly closing my eyes.

"Listen," he started quietly. I looked up at him, meeting his warm gaze. "I've told you this time and time before, and I know you _know_ it; but I don't know if you really _believe_ it. Regardless… just please know that I'll _always_ be here with you through this entire thing. This'll be hard on me, too, but that won't scare me off. We've done this before, and we can do it again. I love you more than words could ever tell, and there is nothing in this world that would make me want to leave your side, even for a moment. When I said 'I do', I promised and meant _forever_, through good times and bad; and I'm not one to break promises. We've gone through hell and back together, on more than one occasion; and I'm not about to back out now. You can't get rid of me that easily, Nat."

Most women would be smiling like an idiot by now; but since it had been increasingly evident that I hadn't seemed to be fitting the 'most women' criteria lately, I was not. Silence filled the room for a couple seconds, before I burst into tears. Instead of smiling or something, I was crying like an idiot. No, scratch that. Correction: I was bawling like a complete moron. Mal seemed to know why, even if I didn't at the moment. He gently rubbed my back, trying to soothe me as I flat-out lost it into his shirt.

It wasn't until a couple hours later, that I realized why his little speech made me cry so much. It was previously as he said, to be honest. He had told me things like that before, but I had never fully believed them until then. Sure, I knew he'd be there and wouldn't leave, but I didn't really believe that. The difference between knowledge and belief is one of those things that's hard to explain; you're aware of the difference, but you can't put it into words.

It was the realization that he really would always be there, and that he really did care, that caused my emotions. It was more out of happiness than sadness. I was crying because, for the first time in a _very_long time, I felt truly loved.

But, you know... I'm sure the raging hormones didn't help, either.


	20. Chapter 20: Too Soon

**Hello! Yes, I realize that I kind of had this on hold for a couple weeks, but now I'm back to writing it. C: Here is Chapter Twenty, which takes place about two months after the last chapter. I'm going to start fast-forwarding a bit, as I don't really feel like each and every day is as important as major events (Christmas, Maddie's birthday, then the big day). This story will be wrapping up fairly soon; five more chapters at the most. But thank you SO MUCH for so many reviews! You guys are awesome! :D**

**Also, this one is a bit sad, too, but mainly because it's their first Christmas without their daughter. D': I typed this in one-shot, too, so please excuse any typing errors. c:**

**Well, without further a-do... chapter twenty! Tell me what you think? C:**

* * *

Chapter Twenty - Too Soon

_(two months after Chapter Nineteen - Christmas Eve)_

Christmas is supposed to be a cheerful time, filled with family and happiness and such. But for Mal and I, it only served as a reminder that this would be our first Christmas without Maddie. Mal and I were both in our bedroom getting ready to go over to my parents' house for a Christmas Eve dinner. I pulled on a pair of black jeans, relieved to find that they weren't uncomfortably tight. Being almost three months pregnant, some of my clothes were beginning not to fit.

I walked across the room and dug through my closet for something holiday-appropriate to wear. I eventually settled on a black-to-gray ombre long-sleeve shirt with a sheer red scarf. Upon pulling it on, the shirt (which normally fit me comfortably) was noticeably tight across my stomach. I groaned out loud, and Mal poked his head out from the bathroom.

"Everything alright?" he asked, fidgeting with his polo shirt.

"Do my clothes look noticeably too tight?" I asked him.

"Not that much," he answered, glancing at my stomach. "No offense, But you can't hide it forever," he reminded me gently. "It won't be long until it's obvious that you're actually... pregnant."

I bit my lip and looked away, absentmindedly tugging at my shirt. "I know," I finally said, letting the room fall into silence.

Mal finally broke the silence, asking, "Do you have anything else to wear?"

"Probably," I sighed. Mal nodded and turned back into the bathroom, still trying to adjust something on his shirt. I turned around and rummaged through my closet again, eventually pulling out a red, silky shirt that was made oversized to begin with. I slipped it on and was relieved to find that it still hung loosely across my stomach, hopefully hiding any baby bump that was there. My jeans were still a bit tight, but not uncomfortable, so I let them be. I carefully tied an off-white scarf around my neck, trying to compensate for the low-cut front of the shirt. I re-touched my simple make-up, trying not to stab myself in the eye with the mascara wand like I did far too often.

"Is this better?" I called to Mal who was still in the bathroom. I swore he took longer than me sometimes. He poked his head out again, briefly looking me up and down.

"Beautiful," he commented with a bright smile.

"Thanks," I laughed, "But I was talking about the shirt. Can you, um... tell?"

"No, you're good," he said. "You're going to have to tell them eventually, though," he added.

"I know, I know," I muttered. I exhaled slowly, meeting his gaze. "I think... I think I'll tell them tonight. Just... let me bring it up myself."

"Of course," he reassured me, "It's your announcement to make." I nodded, and he was silent for a moment again. "Now will you please help me with this tie?"

I laughed and stepped forward to fix his tie, which he had _almost_ tied correctly. Closer than last time, anyways.

"Thank you," he said when I had finished. I nodded with a smile, hesitating for only a second before reaching forward and giving him a light hug.

"Don't be nervous," he murmured, seeming to sense my anxiety over telling my family of the recent news. "It'll be okay."

"I hope so," I breathed shakily.

* * *

Mal parked his car outside of my parent's house, then looked over at me. "Ready?" he asked.

"As ready as I'm gonna get," I said with a light laugh. He reached over and squeezed my hand, then pulled his car door open. I did the same, stepping out and shutting the door behind me. Mal and I walked up the sidewalk, and I reached out to ring the doorbell. My mother answered the door several seconds later, greeting us both with a warm smile.

"Hi, honey!" she greeted, pulling me into a hug. "Hi, Mal, welcome!" she said to Mal, reaching over to give him a hug, too.

"Hi, sweetheart," my father greeted, a lot more mellow than my mother. "It's great to see you." He gave me a brief hug, then shook Mal's hand. My father wasn't much for physical contact, which is probably where I got trait from. It certainly wasn't from my mother, anyways.

"Neha's on her way," my mother informed me, motioning for us towards the living room. "She'll be here shortly."

We had sat and talked quietly for a few minutes, when the doorbell rang again. My mother hurried to open it, revealing my younger sister, with... red streaks in her hair? It looked better than the blue, anyways.

"Hi, Neha!" my mother greeted again, giving her a hug. "Goodness, child, what did you do to your hair?"

"Hi, mom! And I dyed it! The blue was getting boring, and the red looks more Christmas-y!" My mother gave Neha a weird look, but shrugged and laughed lightly before turning towards the kitchen. My father got and I got up with Mal following behind us.

"Hey, Natara!" my sister greeted, throwing her arms around me. I laughed and hugged her back.

"Hey, Neha. I like your hair," I added honestly. I actually _did_ like it better than the blue.

"Thanks," she said with a smile. She cheerfully greeted Mal, giving him a side-hug before embracing my father. Once greetings had been exchanged, we all migrated to the kitchen.

After two hours of eating and chatting, I managed to snag Neha and pull her up the spiraling stairs and down the hallway, creating a safe distance from the others.

"I need to tell you something," I said quickly, before she had time to ask questions.

"Okay," she replied questioningly. "Everything okay?"

"I... it's... Mal and I... well, I..." I stammered ungracefully, stumbling blindly over words I had suddenly forgotten how to say. I sighed in frustration, leaning against the wall and looking aimlessly upwards, suddenly feeling anxious tears prick my eyes.

"Aw," she murmured gently, sensing something was wrong. She reached out and touched my arm reassuringly. "Just relax and take your time. Mom's telling your embarrassing childhood stories to Mal; we literally have all night." I managed a laugh in spite of myself, feeling my body relax a little. I stayed silent for another few seconds, then continued.

"Long story short... I've been feeling nauseous and dizzy in the morning, so I eventually went to the doctor to get it checked out, and I... I'm pregnant." Neha's hand dropped from my arm, and she stared at me, wide-eyed and in shock.

"I... you're... what? Are you sure, Nat? I mean, it could just be the flu or-"

"Of course I'm sure, Neha," I snapped dismally, sniffing back tears. "I went to the damn doctor." I leaned against the wall and slid down it in defeat, biting my lip to hold back my raging emotions. I crossed my left arm over my stomach and leaned my right elbow on my left wrist, running my hand through my hair and sighing shakily.

"Hey," she murmured sympathetically, kneeling beside me and taking my hand. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to react like that. I was just surprised."

"No, it's my fault, I'm sorry," I apologized miserably. Why did I always make those who cared about me the most, feel the worst?

"Nothing to apologize for," she reassured me softly. "When did you find out?"

"Two months ago," I confessed guiltily. "Almost three." Her eyes immediately drifted to my stomach, and I instinctively winced and shied away.

"Oh, sorry," she apologized again, looking away.

"Ugh," I choked frustratedly, sitting up slightly. "Don't apologize. I'm just being a bitch. I'm sorry."

"Shh," she soothed, reaching out with her other hand and gently rubbing my arm. "It's okay. Just breathe." I did so several times, fighting to calm down before I did something stupid like break down. Much to my personal disapproval, it seemed like the only thing I wanted to do today was cry; which is stupid, because I hate crying.

"It just seems... too soon," I admitted.

"I know," she sighed. "It'll be hard at first, but you have to remember that Maddie wouldn't be offended at you and Mal having another kid. I think she'd be happy you did. She wouldn't want you two putting your lives on pause for her; she'd want you to slowly move on."

Despite my best efforts, my breathing grew more unsteady, and I almost shook with the effort of holding the sobs in. I sighed in defeat and leaned forward, resting my elbows on my thighs and face in my hands.

Neha made a sympathetic 'aw' noise, then slid over next to me. She slid her arm around my back and squeezed affectionately, gently resting her head on my shoulder. We sat like that for a few seconds before I collected myself enough to sit up straight. Neha eventually stood, reaching down to help me up, too.

"Thanks," I murmured, forcing a small smile. Neha smiled back and pulled me into a hug, squeezing me tight before pulling away. I carefully wiped my eyes on my sleeve, taking care not to smudge anything.

"Have you told mom and dad yet?" she questioned.

"No," sighed, pushing my hair away from my face. "I'm going to now." She nodded, then looked at me in the eyes.

"You alright?" she asked. I nodded.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. Thank you." Neha nodded again and grabbed my hand, gently leading me back down the stairs.

"Now come on, why don't you get this over with."

We silently walked back downstairs, joining the rest of the family back in the living room. Mal was laughing at some probably-embarrassing story about me that my mother was telling, and my father just sat back smiling. Mal glanced up when he heard us coming. He immediately met my gaze, probably noticing my slightly-red eyes.

"Where did you two go off to?" my mother asked. I opened my mouth to say something, but no words came out. Neha again took my hand and gently guided me to the couch.

"Are you okay?" Mal asked gingerly.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" she questioned worriedly, looking into my eyes. My father said nothing, but looked at me intently, clearly worried as well.

"I... I'm fine," I answered quickly, "But there's something I have to tell you." My mother and father both nodded, wordlessly signaling for me to keep talking. I told them how I had been feeling sick for several weeks and eventually went to the doctor, via Mal's request. I explained how I got the call saying my test results were back, then took a deep breath and finished the sentence.

"... and I'm pregnant." My mother and father stared at me in silence, and Neha just squeezed my hand and looked away.

"Well, that was... quick," my father finally stated, breaking the silence. If I hadn't had been so nervous at that point, I probably would have laughed.

"When did you find out?" my mother asked anxiously.

"Almost three months ago," I muttered, unable to look her in the eyes. "It wasn't planned, it just... happened." As I thought, her eyes immediately snapped towards my stomach, which was, for the most part, not noticeably larger.

"And you decided to keep it?" she continued. My father was still silent, looking at me thoughtfully. It made me a bit uncomfortable, so I focused on my mother.

"Yeah, I... _we_ did. We just..."

"We just felt like it was the right thing to do," Mal finished. I sighed in relief, flashing him a grateful smile.

"Your mother and I are with you one-hundred percent, but-"

"Are you ready for this?" my mother finished.

"No," Mal and I answered truthfully, "But we're going to have to _get_ ready."


	21. Chapter 21: Memories

**Hi guys! Sorry for all of the slow updates. I _just_ managed to survive finals week, which involved me doing nothing but studying, eating, and minimal sleeping. I have a four-day-weekend, so I'll try to update at least a couple times. C: Once again, I'm too lazy to do review replies, so for now, a big THANK YOU I LOVE YOU YOU'RE ALL WONDERFUL. C:**

**I'm going to be wrapping this story up soon, within the next few chapters, but I've been thinking... how would you guys like a sequel to this? It would have Mal and Nat's new kid in it, and feature her growing up. Tell me what you think? c:**

**Anyways, enjoy, and leave some feedback? C:**

* * *

Chapter Twenty-One - Memories

_(two-and-a-half months after Chapter Twenty)_

New Years came and went just like another day. Mal and I just stayed home and drank alcohol, watched the ball drop on TV, then went to bed. January and February droned on fairly uneventfully. We started to go out a bit more often; I met with Amy a few days after Christmas to tell her about the pregnancy. She was surprised at first, like Neha, but ended up squealing in delight. I was starting to warm up to the idea of having another kid, too. Nobody could replace Madison, of course, but Neha was right; we needed to move on. We had found out we were having another girl, which initially made my heart drop; but again, after a few weeks, I began to warm up to that idea. By now, I was noticeably pregnant, having passed the stage of others' silent questioning of if I was pregnant, or had simply gained a few pounds.

Whatever progress I had made on 'moving on' seemed to almost reverse itself on March 15th. Yes, the ides of March. Madison's birthday. I had expected I'd cry or be in some state of emotional instability on that day, but I wasn't; quite the opposite, actually. I couldn't feel anything except for emptiness. Mal seemed to understand and feel the same, though we didn't talk about it much. With nothing to do but mope around all day, Mal and I decided it was _time_.

We slowly walked into Madison's room, looking around at the furniture, toys and other belongings. They sat untouched, just as they were left from months ago. We were almost tip-toeing around, as if something would explode if we tromped around too hard. Since we were having another girl, we figured a lot of this stuff could be re-used for the new girl. But we knew we wanted to put some things away; things that were only Madi's, that would remind us of her. A memory box, of sorts.

I looked around, unsure of where to even start.

"Where do we even start?" Mal asked, voicing my thoughts.

"I was just thinking that," I said with a light laugh. "I have no idea." He surveyed the room for a couple seconds, then slowly walked up to the box of stuffed animals and toys in the corner. He glanced back at me and motioned towards it, and I nodded, silently giving some form of consent. Mal picked the box up and we both sat on the bed, placing the box in between us. As if by some unspoken rule, we automatically took turns pulling one item from the box. I first pulled out a tattered cloth doll in what used to be a pink dress. Memories flooded back like a wave, and I couldn't shake them away.

* * *

_Mal and I looked down at our six-month-old daughter, smiling broadly as she giggled, reaching towards the brand new doll Mal held in front of her. It had yellow yarn hair and a bright pink dress. The doll looked back at her with stitched eyes, and a cloth mouth smiled back at her. Mal teasingly acted like he was giving it to her, then pulled it away. Madison squealed, reaching farther out for it. I gently tickled her stomach, and she erupted into giggles. _

_I looked up at Mal and met his eyes, his lips formed into a huge smile, mirroring mine. Mal leaned down slightly and softly kissed me, sliding his arm around me as he pulled back. I felt my heart flutter with happiness. I never wanted that moment to end._

* * *

I smiled at the memory, mindlessly twirling one of the tattered pieces of yarn around my finger. I glanced up at Mal, and the same bittersweet smile played on his lips. I knew he remembered, too. I gently set it aside, knowing that was something I didn't want re-used. It might have sounded selfish, but some of these things were parts of Madison's short six years that I didn't want to share with our new child.

Mal reached into the box and pulled out a lap-sized whiteboard. Several different colored markers were snapped into the holders on the side. Another memory was triggered as I gently unsnapped one of the markers, absentmindedly rolling it around in my hand.

* * *

_"Mommy, spell my name!"_

_My four-year-old daughter and I sat on the floor of her room, drawing on a whiteboard Mal and I had gotten her for her fourth birthday last month. I was lying on my stomach, watching my daughter draw scribbly pictures in brightly colored markers. Mal sat next to me, silently watching with a smile on his face. _

_"Do you know what letter your name starts with?" I asked, watching as she thought for a moment. When she didn't answer after a few seconds, I helped her sound it out._

_"M-m-m," I gently prompted, smiling as her face lit up in recognition._

_"M!" she exclaimed happily, "M like mommy!"_

_"That's right," I said with a smile. I watched as she tried to draw it, but her hand wouldn't seem to cooperate. I uncapped the marker I was holding, writing a simplified capital 'M' in a bright blue color. I turned the whiteboard around to face her, and she carefully mimicked my writing to the best of her ability. She looked up at me with a smile on her face when she'd finished._

_"Good job!" I praised, smiling at her. She looked at Mal, too, and he held out his hand for a high-five. We repeated the process with the rest of the letters; I sounded it out, wrote it for her, then she copied it. _

_"Look!" she squealed delightedly when she had finished the 'n'. "I'm done!"_

_"Yay! You did it!" I exclaimed, smiling as her eyes lit up again. _

_"Great job!" Mal added as he reached out and ruffled her hair. She giggled, looking at us through her tousled hair before going back to writing._

* * *

"Brings back a lot of memories," Mal commented with another bittersweet smile. I remembered the countless number of times we had taught her to write on that board; first her own first name, then her middle and last. We taught her how to write 'mommy' and 'daddy', too.

"Yeah," was all I said as he set it aside. As many memories as the board held with Maddie, I knew I'd want to teach our new daughter how to write on that same board as well.

We pulled out a countless number of other toys from various containers around the room: building blocks, coloring books, plastic jewelry and dress-up clothes. Some of them brought up memories, while others were just toys. Mal was going through a pile of stuffed animals, when he stopped suddenly, pulling a stuffed horse from the pile. I stopped, too, suddenly reminded of the dream I had had several months back. It was black with glassy eyes, reminding me of both my childhood horse, and the Midnight creature I had 'met' in my dream. We had bought it for her only a couple months prior to the shooting.

* * *

_"I want that one!" six-year-old Madison squealed as we walked the aisles of the local toy store. As a reward for being good at the dentist's office, I had promised to take her to the store to buy a new toy. We had been meandering through the stuffed animal section, and I watched as my daughter picked up animal after animal, seeming to scrutinize it before shaking her head and setting it back down. _

_I was beginning to get impatient, when her little voice resounded off the walls around me, attracting the attention of several shoppers nearby._

_"Shh," I said with a laugh, ignoring the glances from the other shoppers. I walked up to where she stood, excitedly pointing to a black stuffed horse that perched on a shelf too high for her to reach. _

_"Can you get it for me, please?" she asked with a huge smile. _

_"Of course," I smiled back as I reached out and grabbed it for her. She abruptly hugged it to her, a huge grin still plastered on her face._

_"Are you sure you don't want this one?" I teased, picking up a bright pink poodle._

_"No!" she exclaimed, frowning at the obnoxiously-pink creature. "This one!"_

_I laughed and set the poodle back on the shelf as I took my daughter's hand, leading her towards the cash register._

_"Well," I said with a smile, "That one it is."_

* * *

I said nothing as I recalled the day at the store, and neither did Mal; but he gently handed it to me, and I took it. He hadn't been with me when we bought it, but I had snapped a picture on my phone and sent it to him.

Standing up from where we crouched, I sighed audibly, feeling completely exhausted.

"Wanna be done for today?" Mal asked me, just as I was about to open my mouth to ask him the same thing.

"Yeah, I do," I said. I briefly examined the stuffed animal, then looked to Mal. He nodded, then took my hand as we exited the room, closing the door behind us. Some day that room would go to our new child, and Madison's things would have to be cleared; but not today.

Today I allowed myself to take a few steps back from my busy life.

Today was for remembering our first daughter.

Thanks for the memories, Madison.


	22. Chapter 22: Into Labor

**Hello! Quicker update this time. I'll be posting one more chapter after this one, and then this story will be wrapped up. C: I might even post the last chapter today, we'll see. C;**

**Review replies:**

_**DizzyRedhead ~ Thank you! I'm glad you liked it!**_

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_**The Beautiful Filth ~ That might be because she is, haha. But thank you so much, that means a lot!**_

_**mozzi-girl ~ Thanks, Molly! **_

_**CauseOfDeathLover13 ~ Hehe, thanks!**_

**Once again, thank you & enjoy! (:**

* * *

Chapter Twenty-Two - Into Labor

I was about thirty-six weeks along now, getting very close to nine months. My stomach clearly protruded, becoming tight on even my maternity clothes.

I woke up that day feeling particularly crappy, and I made sure Mal knew it. I knew I was being extremely annoying and emotional, but he responded sweetly as always. I had been pretty much useless all day, alternating between reading and sleeping, both of which took place on the couch. Not only that, but I also had to take a piss what seemed like every ten seconds. I'd also been having Braxton-Hicks contractions, as well as unnerving dreams. Mal and I took a couple Lamaze classes as well, though I remembered most of the tips from my first pregnancy and opted out for the remainder of the meetings.

I looked up from my book when I heard the front door click shut. Mal walked in holding two containers filled with steaming Mongolian beef and fried rice. I suddenly realized I was starving; I was eating for two now, as Mal constantly reminded me, and I hadn't eaten all day. I smiled as he handed me the carton and planted a kiss on my forehead.

"Thank you," I said sincerely, accepting the plastic fork he extended towards me.

"Anytime," Mal replied with a smile. We quickly dug in, apparently both starving.

"How are you feeling?" Mal asked as we were both finishing up.

"Pretty crappy," I mumbled, wincing at the pain in my back. I leaned back and let myself rest against Mal as his arms snaked around my pregnant belly. We sat like that for a while, sometimes quietly talking and sometimes silent. I was about to reply to one of Mal's dry jokes, when a sharp pain shot through my lower back and abdomen. I winced and let out a small yelp, straightening up to try to alleviate the pain.

"Are you okay?" Mal asked worriedly.

"Yeah," I muttered, gritting my teeth. "Just get me a glass of water." I hated to be snappy after he'd been so sweet, but I really couldn't help it. He nodded and left the room, and I heard him rummaging around in the kitchen for a glass. He came back a minute later as the contraction subsided, leaving me gasping a little. He methodically rubbed my back as I tried to catch my breath enough to take a sip of water.

"You alright?" he asked again, still clearly worried. I nodded, instinctively putting my hand on my stomach.

"Just another Braxton-Hicks," I assured him.

"You sure?" he prodded.

"Yes, I'm fine," I answered impatiently, suddenly feeling extremely tired. "I'm going to go lay down for a while. I'm suddenly exhausted."

"Alright," he said like he didn't quite believe me. He didn't prod further, though, so I let it go, too. He helped me to my feet and led me to the bedroom. I didn't have the energy to change clothes or anything, so I climbed under the covers in my normal clothes. Mal pulled the covers over me and bent down, pecking me on the lips. I laughed lightly and smiled at him as he turned and left the room, softly closing the door behind him.

I don't know how long I slept, but I woke up to another wave of pain shooting through my lower back and abdomen, this one worse than the previous one. I abruptly sat up, biting my lip so I wouldn't cry out. I didn't want to worry Mal when it was just another Braxton-Hicks. It subsided once again after a minute or two, and I relaxed against the pillow again. I couldn't seem to fall back asleep, so I reached over onto my dresser and picked up another book I had been in the middle of. I had only read for about half an hour when I felt another contraction. This one lasted longer than the previous one, but it didn't hurt that much more, so I let it go as I went back to my book.

When this happened twice more, both within twenty minutes of each other and more intense and longer than the last, I began to realize these probably weren't just Braxton-Hicks contractions. A dull ache began to form in my lower back and abdomen, and I suppressed a groan as I struggled to get out of the bed. Just as I was trying to stand, another wave of contractions hit me, these stronger than any of the ones before. I gasped in pain, my hands immediately flying to my stomach.

No, these are not Braxton-Hicks; I was going into labor.

I called Mal's name as I leaned against the wall, trying to avoid falling over. He came running in several seconds later, eyes widened in concern.

"What is it?" he questioned wildly. "Is it the baby?"

"What the hell do you _think_ it is?" I growled, scowling at him. "Just get me to the damn hospital before this thing decides to show itself right here and now!" Mal nodded and immediately ran to grab his keys. I stumbled along behind him and used the wall for support. The contraction started to subside, but I knew another one would be coming soon. Mal helped me out the door and into the car, pulling the seatbelt around me before running around to the driver's side. He jerked the belt over himself, shoving the key into the ignition and turning them to start the car. The engine grumbled for several seconds, but didn't start. Mal cursed under his breath in frustration, trying again to start the car. After several more tries, it still refused to start. Mal cursed again, still trying to start the car.

"Mal, _do_ something, damn it!" I yelled as I felt another contraction coming on.

"Working on it, Nat," he muttered, trying to remain patient. Finally, after several more tries, the engine revved to life, and Mal sighed in relief as he hurriedly backed out of the driveway. The hospital was only ten minutes away, and I figured the next contraction would be just before or after our arrival. As we came to a rolling stop at a stop sign, the engine sputtered and suddenly stopped. Mal cussed, turning the keys to try to restart it. Despite his best efforts, the car refused to restart again.

"Ah, hell," he muttered in frustration, looking around wildly for something or someone to help. Glancing at the street sign, he shoved open the car door.

"I'll be right back, just stay calm," he told me.

"Easy for you to say," I snarled. "You're not the one having a kid!" He ignored my comment as he ran to a house somewhere behind us. I turned around as best I could in my seat to see Mal standing at someone's open door, animatedly speaking to whomever it was. Minutes later, their garage door opened and a car started. Mal ran back over to my side of the car as someone drove up beside us. I glanced over to see it was Elissa, Mal's cousin. Under any other circumstance, I would've been friendlier; but I was a severely hormonal pregnant woman who was very close to having a baby. I felt my abdomen tighten up again- the start of another strong contraction. Mal half-carried me into Elissa's car, setting me in the backseat and sliding in beside me.

"Drive!" I commanded irritably, struggling to catch my breath.

"Breathe, Nat," Mal urged. "Like we did in the Lamaze classes. Just–"

"Shut up, I don't wanna breathe! I want to get to the damn hospital before I die of old age!"

"We're working on it," Mal assured patiently, glancing at Elissa in the front seat. She looked tense and nervous. Again, under any other circumstances, I would have been a lot more considerate; but today was not it.

Ten minutes and one horrible contraction later, we were at the hospital. Mal got out of the car and bent down to pick me up, carrying me inside the best he could. They immediately got me in a wheelchair, whisking me back to a delivery room. Elissa stayed in the waiting room, phoning her neighbors to watch her kids, while Mal hurried after me. They had me change into a hospital gown and ushered me to the bed, where I sat and waited for someone to come. Just as a young-looking nurse walked in, my abdomen tightened again, hitting me with another wave of contractions. Damn those things.

"Hi, sweetie," she greeted sweetly.

That agitated me, considering I was at least five or six years older than her. She had her hair tied back in a bun, probably to make herself look older; but I could still tell that she wasn't any older than her mid-twenties.

"Natara, is it?" she asked, pausing from her scribbling on a clipboard to look up at me. I nodded, clenching my teeth against the pain.

That irritated me pretty bad, too. What the hell do you _think_ my name is? It's only printed on every single one of my medical records since nineteen-eighty-one, _including_ the one she was holding.

"How are you feeling?" she continued in the same overly-sweet voice.

Now that _really_ pissed me off. I didn't even bother to hold my tongue on that one.

"Oh, let's see here. I _feel _like I'm giving birth," I growled, glaring at her.

Seemingly un-phased by my outburst, she just laughed. "Well, that's what you're doing, so that's good."

You don't say, Sherlock.

The lady briefly looked under my hospital gown, scribbling yet another thing on her damn clipboard. _Once this is over,_ I thought, _I am going to kill her_.

"You're at about a six right now," she commented. "Just four more to go."

By this point, I was not only in severe pain, but also completely pissed off at the nurse lady._ Sherlock strikes again,_ I thought, fighting not to say it aloud. _I can subtract six from ten, thank you very much._

"Would you like any anesthesia, or are you going with natural childbirth?" the lady questioned. As much as I wanted some drugs, I knew they could harm the baby, so I refused.

"Natural," I muttered. I suddenly realized that Mal hadn't said anything the whole time, so I glanced over at him. He sat on the chair next to my bed giving the lady a strange look, looking as if he was trying not to laugh. He quickly looked away when she looked up, focusing his attention on me.

"Do you need anything?" he asked quietly, trying to avoid any possible comments the nurse might direct towards him.

"Water," I rasped, struggling to sit up against the pillow. "Please." Mal nodded and stood to get me water, when the nurse lady quickly stopped him.

"Oh, I'll get that for you," she chirped. "Ice or no ice?" _I don't care, just get me some fricking water._

"No ice." The lady nodded and turned on her heels to get the water. Mal sat back down and rolled his eyes, clearly annoyed with her. So it _wasn't_ just me; she actually _was_ annoying. As she walked back in, I caught the text plastered on her badge: _Tiffany Robinson – Labor Nurse_.

"Oh great," I muttered more to myself than Mal. "I have to deal with this lady until this kid comes out." Mal shot me a questioning look, but said nothing since the lady, apparently named Tiffany, was approaching us with a styrofoam cup of water.

"Here you go, sweetie," she chittered as she handed me the water. _Ugh, again with the 'sweetie'._

I took a sip of the water, then set it on the stand next to me. Mal coughed, covering up a sudden snicker from the nurse's apparent pet name for me and probably every other pregnant woman in the vicinity.

"Need anything else?" she asked, finally setting her clipboard down.

"No thanks," I managed, really not wanting to thank her at all. She checked under my hospital gown again, concluding that I was almost at an eight.

"Getting closer, it shouldn't be long now!'

Over an hour-and-a-half later, and I was apparently 'only at an eight', and if I 'didn't quicken the pace', they'd have to try to induce labor. _Yeah, because that's something I can control._

"What time is it?" I asked Mal as the labor nurse left the room to grab something-or-other. Mal pulled his phone out and glanced at it.

"Seven-fifty-seven," he informed me. I groaned, knowing I could be in that room for another several hours; and that was being optimistic.

Somewhere around eight-thirty, the same labor nurse came in again, joyously proclaiming that I was 'finally at a nine', and, once again, that it 'wouldn't be long now!'. _God_, I hated that lady.

"Need anything else, sweetie?" she asked, entering the room for the ninetieth time. If I would have met this lady at any other time other than now, I might have been able to hold my tongue. But, once again, I didn't.

"Excuse me, but how old are you?" I asked the nurse. She seemed slightly taken aback by the question, but quickly recovered and answered nonetheless.

"Twenty-six," she answered with a questioning look. "Why do you ask?"

"Because," I seethed, "I am six years older than you, so I would _greatly_ appreciate it if you would suppress the urge to call me 'sweetie'." I nearly spat the last part out, enjoying the surprised look on her face. I was so pissed off at that stupid labor nurse by that point, that if you would've given me a gun or something, I probably would've killed her right then and there. I'm a very positive police role model, I know.

"Oh, uh, okay. Sorry, sw-... uh, Mrs. Fallon. I'll just, um, go and get Cheryl." She scurried out of the room, and I couldn't help but enjoy her discomfort. Mal burst out laughing the second she was out of earshot, and despite my discomfort, managed a light laugh.

Finally, my usual practitioner, Cheryl Franze, came in. She flashed me a friendly smile, and I actually found it in me to smile back. Anyone but that _Tiffany_ lady.

"Hi, Natara. Good to see you, Mal," she greeted. Behind her, someone I'd never seen before walked in. I assumed she was the OB.

"You're almost at a ten now," Cheryl stated, motioning for the OB to set up. "Tiffany tells me you're choosing natural birth?"

"Yeah, apparently," I replied. I winced as pain shot through my back and abdomen, and I braced myself for another contraction. That one had been within minutes of the last one, and they were becoming increasingly more painful.

"This baby is ready to come out," I gasped. Cheryl glanced down then abruptly nodded.

"Yes, it looks like it is!"

Another intense round of pain circulated through me, and I yelped in discomfort as Cheryl and the OB readied themselves. As I gasped in pain again, Mal reached out and courageously offered me his hand.

I grabbed it and held on for dear life.


	23. Chapter 23: Halia Grace

**Whelp, guys, _Crashing In _is coming to a close. This shall be the last chapter, though I am planning on a sequel. C: As of right now, I'm thinking of titling it _Rebuilding, _but I might change it; I'm not sure yet. Anyways, thank you guys so much for all the reviews! You have no idea how much they mean. (:**

**Review replies:**

**_HopelessRomantic1994 ~ Thank you so much, Jade! _  
**

**_NiekaWow ~ Thank you, I'm glad you've liked it! _**

**_DizzyRedhead ~ Thank you! I had fun writing the nurse part, haha. I haven't noticed that, but true. XD I just picked thirty-six because it was a balance between really early and really late. Thanks again!_**

**_CauseOfDeathLover13 ~ Haha, basically! Pregnant women in general, haha. Thanks!_**

**_The Beautiful Filth ~ Yes, I chose to make the time go faster, because I didn't really feel like all the days in between were that significant, if you know what I mean. Thank you! (:_**

**_Mozzi-Girl ~ I definitely had fun writing that one; thank you! ^_^_**

**Anyways, this is the last chapter, so I'd love some feedback, both about this chapter and the story as a whole. Did you like it? Were there things you didn't like, writing-style wise? I'd love some comments. I had a lot of fun writing this, and it even made me really sad at points. I'm glad it made you guys sad, too, in that weird, slightly-twisted author kind of way. C: I think you know what I mean. XD**

**I'm also going to be writing a songfic to the song "I Loved Her First" by Heartland. If you haven't listened to it before, you need to! I think you'll be able to figure out who it's about once you hear it. c: It's not connected to any of my other stories, though. **

**ANYWAYS, extremely long A/N aside... enjoy, and please let me know what you think! C:**

* * *

Chapter Twenty-Three — Halia Grace

"C'mon, Nat, push!" Mal urged.

"I _am_ pushing, you idiot! What does it _look_ like I'm doing?" I snapped, gripping Mal's hand tightly.

"Almost there," Cheryl reassured, "Just a little more!"

I grunted, digging my fingernails into Mal's hand. He winced, but wisely chose not to complain.

"A couple more big pushes, Natara; you're almost done, I can see its head!" Cheryl urged again.

I braced myself before silently counting to three.

One. Two. _Three_.

"Just one more! You got it!"

Ugh.

One. Two. _Three_.

Finally, I felt something give, and a small voice began crying.

"Ah, there we go," she mumbled with a smile. "I'm assuming you knew this already, but it's a girl." Mal and I both nodded, smiles plastered on both of our faces. The OB took her and cleaned her up as I struggled to catch my breath. After a few minutes, Cheryl clamped and cut the umbilical cord, and soon enough, she was handed to me in a small pink blanket and matching cap. I eagerly took her, and Mal perched on the bed next to me.

"Do you know what you're naming her?" Cheryl asked, presumably filling out the birth certificate. I looked to Mal, and he nodded his head.

"Halia Grace," I stated with a smile. Mal and I had talked about Halia's name for hours on end, on countless nights. We wanted it to have meaning, but we didn't want to curse her with one of those embarrassingly unusual names that nobody can spell or pronounce. The name 'Halia' meant 'remembrance of a loved one'. She would always remind us of Madi in a bittersweet way, whether we wanted her to or not. We wanted Halia's name-sake to somehow be related to her older sister that she'd never get to meet. Her middle name, 'Grace', is fairly self-explanatory. It meant 'grace', 'good will' and 'gift from God'. Regardless of the instability of my religious beliefs, there was no doubt about it that Halia was a gift. From who, I don't know exactly; but she was certainly a gift. Though Halia would remind us of Madi, she would be her own person, and Mal and I knew that. We wanted her to know that, too, when the time was right.

"Pretty name," Cheryl commented as she typed it in on her computer. I looked down at Halia and smiled, softly cradling her in my arms. After a few moments, her eyes fluttered open and widened as she took in Mal and I. Slowly, her little lips curled into a smile as she stared up at us.

"Hi, Halia," I cooed gently, softly rocking her in my arms.

"Hey there," Mal murmured just as softly. He smiled as he reached out and stroked her cheek.

"She's beautiful," I murmured happily, smiling as her eyes met mine.

"Just like her mom," Mal replied as Halia's gaze shifted to him. "And she's got your eyes,"

"And I'll bet she'll grow up with your odd sense of humor," I added. Mal laughed, and so did I. I looked up at him and our gazes met. Excitement, joy, love and a bittersweet sadness were all mixed in his eyes, and I knew they were in mine, too. As we locked eyes, we both smiled. Mal leaned down and kissed me sweetly. As he pulled away, I carefully handed Halia to him. He gently rocked her back and forth, occasionally murmuring something to her. Cheryl walked back in and said she'd need to take her to an incubator to be sure her body temperature would stabilize itself. I reluctantly handed her over, giving her a brief kiss on the forehead before letting Cheryl take her.

"Are you feeling okay?" Mal asked once we were alone. I suddenly realized I was exhausted and sore, but it wasn't nearly as bad as the first time. After I had Madi, I felt absolutely horrible.

"Pretty good," I answered, "Just exhausted."

"And a whole lot less moody," Mal added with a playful smile. I rolled my eyes and laughed, tiredly leaning against Mal's shoulder. He slid his arm around me, and I reached for his hand, entwining our fingers as my adrenaline started to fade. I closed my eyes briefly, momentarily giving into the exhaustion. As I opened them again, I looked up and met Mal's gaze.

"It seems like just yesterday that I went through all of that... with Madi," I commented quietly, fleetingly allowing the bittersweet sadness to surface.

"It does," he replied sadly. He paused for a moment, then continued. "But this is a whole new ball-game. It still hurts and it always will, but we have no choice now but to move on. Nobody can ever replace Madi, but as her name states, Halia is a gift."

"I know," I said somberly, "But if I've learned one thing from all of this, it's that we need to treasure the life we have and those around us, because it can all be taken without even a minute's notice."

"Seems like everybody has to learn that the hard way," Mal said glumly. I just nodded in response. We sat in silence for a couple minutes, when our silence was broken by Cheryl walking back in, a smiling Halia in her arms. She handed her to me, and the second she was in my arms again, all the sad recollections disappeared. Mal slid his arm around me again, lightly resting the other on Halia's arm. She smiled up at us, then shifted to looking around the hospital room– the only world she knew at that point. I looked up at Mal again, meeting his gaze. It was as if a light had turned on, and happiness and hope suddenly flooded his eyes. I smiled at him, and he smiled back. Right then, I knew we'd be okay. Of course we'd miss Madi every day, and we'd always wonder 'what if'; but we would not let those thoughts consume us. Though it would be hard, we had to move on.

Just like her name-sake, 'Halia'' meant 'remembrance', but 'Grace' meant 'gift'. We would always remember Madi, but the new gift we'd been given would be the new light of our worlds. Though Madi couldn't be replaced, Halia was ours, and she needed us. In a way, we needed her, too. We gave her life, but in a sense, she gave us life, too. She helped teach us a lesson, and she helped us start to heal.

Even when everything was crashing in and seemed completely hopeless, there was always the light at the end of the tunnel. I couldn't see it for quite a while, but once I did, it was beautiful. And that is something I will never, _ever_ forget.


End file.
